Branches of Life BlogZine

Poisoning Our Environment, Poisoning Our Lives

2010-06-06T09:26:00.000-07:00

With the largest environmental catastrophe taking place in the Gulf, many people, including me, sicken with awareness of what this could mean to both coastal and ocean waters. It will probably take years and many tears for the true scope of this tragedy to be known. BP is the villain in this drama, but make no mistake: We are all guilty. We just do it on a smaller scale.

For several generations we have demanded convenience over safety, guilty of wanting perfect lives, homes, gardens, lawns, travel. We have turned our logic off, listened to convenience providers' claims, while ignoring the fact we have been poisoning our bodies and homes, as well as our earth, air and waters.

Don't believe me?

It wasn't so long ago that we didn't mind spraying insecticides to get rid of mosquitoes and flies that entered our houses, or showed up at our outdoor gatherings and picnics. We sprayed over the heads of our family and guests, over our food and beverages, and ignored the fact that those spray cans contained poisons.

Teflon coated pans made cooking clean up a breeze. Now, most of us have Teflon in our blood. (see UCLA link below).

Those chemical fertilizers and weeding agents may produce perfect weed-free lawns, but they also kill all micro-organisms in the soil, not just broad leaf plants growing in the grass. And God help us, many do not follow label directions. Is it any wonder that in the last fifty years we seen changes in our children's health? Just recently learned 2,4-D the chemical that kills the broadleaf weeds, was first used in chemical warfare as part of Agent Orange in the Vietnam War. Does that make it bad? I don't know, but it does show you its potential power.

So what can we do? First off, we need to get smart and think about what chemicals you want around your family. If you choose to use a product, any product, READ THE LABEL and act responsibly. Follow directions and dispose of any remaining product as recommended.

Do we need all the chemicals we are using in our homes? No.

A few years ago, as I was using a popular cleaner in my bathroom, the smell made me choke and cough and my eyes watered. It made me think. When I was a child we didn't have all these must-have cleaners. Are we sure they are as safe as they claim to be? That's when I started searching for recipes for homemade cleaners, so I knew what was in them. Now I use vinegar, baking soda and limited amounts of ammonia (which can also make you choke and cough and your eyes water if used in too strong a strength) to clean my house. One good source I found was a list from Michigan State University. Not only is my house just as clean (I admit I don't demand a spotless house of myself), but I've save money, too.

There are other ways we can reduce poisons in our daily lives if we are aware of the danger and seek out alternative methods to accomplish the task at hand. Hope I've started you thinking about the issue and how you can limit the poisons in your life.

UCLA researchers report that exposure to perfluorinated chemicals (PFCs) may reduce women's fertility
MSU Homemade Cleaners
MSU Homemade Cleaner Recipes

I Want a Do Over on my Life

2009-08-31T18:50:00.000-07:00

I had expected to be writing quite a different blog at this point in time. Last year I turned 49 and realized I was heading straight for the big Five-Oh, and I decided I wasn't going to use it to moan and groan about how old I was getting. Instead I decided I was going to remake myself for my fiftieth birthday. I would lose one hundred pounds, get a new hairdo, take up an exciting hobby, get rich and become an entirely new person all in the space of a year. However, as often happens, life intervened, so now I am about to start my birthday month and am once again taking stock. The sad thing is, I'm nowhere near where I thought I would be when I turned 50. I'm not rich, I'm not a famous writer, I'm not beautiful, I'm not thin and I'm not an incredibly successful doctor/research biologist/marine biologist/professor (or whatever my career of the moment was at any particular point in time).

When I look back at my adult life and how I got to where I am now, I see a road littered with lost opportunities and poor decisions. Part of the reason my husband and I are having financial troubles now is because of a decision I made to quit a job that I loved to try something that ended up not working out very well. I then compounded that by trying to start a business that was pretty much guaranteed to not make money. Part of the reason I'm not a famous writer is because I've put other things ahead of writing- such as sleeping, earning a living and raising children-- but also reading other people's books and goofing around on the internet. Part of the reason I am overweight is because of poor choices I've made about what to eat and because I have chosen to be a couch potato instead of getting my butt out of the house and being active.

It's easy to sink into depression in the face of all this self-blame, and for much of the year I've let feelings of guilt overwhelm me. To my husband's credit, when I talk to him about this, he points out that there was a lot more involved in everything than just my making poor decisions, and he's absolutely right. (Incidentally, marrying him was one of the best decisions I ever made.)

Unfortunately there are no do-overs in life. I can't go back and change the decisions I've made. Truth is, most of them I would make again if I had the opportunity to do so. So I have to move forward with where I am at this point in time and try to make the best decisions I can from this point on. I've got to take small steps-- steps that I've already started to make as a matter of fact. I didn't reinvent myself for my fiftieth birthday, but I've made a few changes that might, if I keep things up, mean I'm at an entirely different place when I turn fifty-five.

“Everyone Talks About the Weather

2009-06-24T09:43:00.000-07:00

But nobody does anything about it,” a quote attributed to Charles D. Warner or Mark Twain. A truism, no matter which man said it first. As I swelter in the first heat wave after a long stretch of rainy days, this weather quote spins in my mind. I’m sure someone vocalized similar sentiments long before these words were set in print. It’s a simple fact that when you don’t know what to say, you talk about the weather – a topic of interest for everyone.

Whenever strangers meet and one or the other starts a simple courtesy exchange, the weather is usually covered, especially if unusual conditions part the social gulf: “Fine weather,” said with a smile. “Have you ever seen so much snow?” said looking out the window at work as more white stuff falls, or worse, in an airport where monitors flicker ‘cancelled’ on your flight. “Wow, what a cloud burst,” said standing on the corner with an umbrella scrunched over your head amid a crowd waiting for the light to turn green. “Lord, I hope this heat wave breaks soon,” said waiting for the train home, wilting with perspiration and fanning yourself with a piece of paper.

Even when well-known acquaintances meet, there is usually a brief exchange about the weather and how it is effecting them personally: “This rain makes traffic move at a snail’s pace!” or “This drought has killed my new plants,” or “the trails held so many puddles and mire I came home covered in mud.

Plus, the weather provides complaints about and excuses to avoid certain tasks: “It’s too hot to exercise,” or “It’s too cold to paint,” or “It’s too wet to mow.” And offers cheers such as: “No school today!” or warnings of those dangerous events: “We have to seek shelter -- right now.

Our preoccupation with the weather seems logical. We dwell in it. Without an atmosphere, there is no life, not for us, so our obsession with the condition of our envelope seems valid. Weather affects how we live and travel, our style of home, what we wear, and even what we eat. We want to know the temperature, the humidity and if is raining or snowing. If it’s too hot we turn on the air-conditioner, too cold, the furnace. Weather defines so much of our daily lives. So laugh over the small talk about weather, but think about the topic beneath the words, the one that bridges all our differences – our common world. Maybe that’s the reason the weather, relegated to short quips and exchanges, is our most popular topic.

And the second phrase of that ‘Everyone talks about the weather,’ quote? The decades to come may or may not prove its truth. Let’s hope we can.

Children Adapt to their Surroundings

2009-05-07T11:35:00.000-07:00

Do you ever wonder how we actually survive being parents without ever reading the nonexistent Parents Manual? I know it hasn’t been an easy road for me with five kids but we’ve all managed to survive the years of learning to get along and believing in one other.

When my first child was born, it took me about an hour to put on her little undershirt. I was afraid of hurting her so I took my time moving her little body while I dressed her.

When my second child came along, it took me about half an hour to put on his undershirt.

With my third pregnancy (twin girls) it took me about fifteen minutes to put on their undershirts, combined, not each.

By the time my last child came around, I simply flipped her in the air, and let her ease into her undershirt as she tumbled back down.

Okay, so this last part didn’t happen but what I’m trying to tell you is this: as new parents we’re faced with new situations with our first child for us to adapt and get to know. By the time the next child is born, we’re already experienced and our job is now a bit easier, like me flipping my last kid into her undershirt. We also need to understand that children are like little sponges, absorbing our actions, our words, our mannerisms…that is why it’s important for us to be on our guard at all times. Can you imagine the embarrassment at a family function and our child suddenly decides to show off a new word he heard mommy or daddy say out loud?

But just to backtrack for a second, when my oldest daughter was born, there were complications during labor and she was born via a cesarean. While in the prenatal ward, the nurse had a small radio by her crib with classical music playing all day. To this day, my daughter relaxes before an exam or a stressful day at work by listening to classical music. Coincidence? I don’t think so. She was exposed to this soothing music from a tender age and it blended within her being.

Nowadays, parents understand that our little sponges are capable of learning at a younger age than what our parents may have believed. I’m not saying to stress the kids out by constantly teaching them things. Remember when we were young, when our games included wooden blocks, shapes to place in their right slots…these are fun ways to sit and play with your child and in the process they are learning hand and eye coordination.

As they grow older parents are ecstatic to place their children in piano/sports/gymnastics and any other activity. Just remember this is where the overload may happen. Registering them for too many activities and not enough time to be with their friends or to simply ‘not’ do anything may stress them out.

I mentioned above about my oldest and the little radio playing classical music while she was in pre-natal care; children adapt to what they are exposed to at an early stage in life. In her case, it was music, which has helped her in some areas in her life as she aged. Now imagine a child who is reared in nothing more than yelling, screaming, and name-calling, what type of an adult would he/she become? How would this child be capable of being a ‘teacher’ to his/her own children if all he/she knew was the atmosphere they grew up in?

The bottom line is this: once we commit to marriage and to rearing children, we have a responsibility we need to be aware of…mentoring. Far too many young couples out there believe it will be ‘fun’ to have a kid. Yes, it is fun if the meaning behind ‘parent’ is understood. A big constraint on all parents is time with their children. Both parents in this century need to work to support a family and this, at times, sees them exhausted to the point there is no time for ‘quality’ play with their youngsters.

Many believe that buying material items will satisfy their children. In some respect it does, but not in the sense of raising a responsible child who appreciates these gifts. These gifts become meaningless to them, just items to pass their time.

Children need parents who are not afraid to say no when needed, parents who won’t turn around the next minute and change their minds. This confuses a child but also begins to build in them the notion that ‘yeah, sure, you’ll change your mind once we get home.’ They won’t feel the discipline nor respect your guidelines in the end since you are easily manipulated.

Friends can easily sway children as they become teenagers if they haven’t had the opportunity to bond with their parents and feel they can turn to them when they are emotionally cornered at some point. That is why it is important to begin your bonding once the doctor places your baby in your arms, and you cradle them for the very first time. This is when the magic begins.

Lea Schizas

When did Jesse's Girl Become an Oldie?

2009-04-13T19:24:00.000-07:00

"I wish that I had Jesse's Girl!" I heard the song playing on the radio the other day and gave a start when I realized that I was listening to the oldies station. When did Jesse's Girl become an Oldie? When I was growing up, oldies were those songs from the fifties. Bill Haley and the Comets, Buddy Holly, Fats Domino. Then when I was in my teens, the Beatles and the Monkees became oldies groups, along with the Turtles and the Grass Roots and the Lovin' Spoonful.

I was halfway prepared for the Eagles, Billy Joel and Elton John to show up on oldies stations-- after all, they started on the radio when I was in high school, but when Jesse's Girl showed up on the oldies dial it rocked my world. My daughters listened to Jesse's Girl. Well, okay, maybe Jesse's Girl was early 80's, and the girls are in their twenties now, but I started thinking about other groups we listened to while the girls were growing up. Matchbox Twenty, Bare-Naked Ladies, Sister Hazel, Chumba-wumba.

I'm to the age now when I can really see the telescope of time. Movies that we loved watching together as a family-- Independence Day, Star Trek the Next Generation movies, Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings. I remember how much fun it was taking them to the theater to see the re-release of the Star Wars movies (the original ones.) The girls were big fans of the books and were so excited about seeing the movies in the theater. My husband and I had to continuously remind them that OUR generation had seen them first, that if it wasn't for us, there would be no Star Wars because we created fandom-- first for Star Trek, then for Star Wars.

The movies, TV shows and music all run together so now it's hard for me to realize that it was sixteen years ago that we all enjoyed watching Johnny Depp in Benny and Joon, fourteen years ago that we fell in love with Sandra Bullock in While You Were Sleeping, and it was 15 years ago that Star Trek the Next Generation ended its run.

But there are still some ties to the past-- with the new Dr. Who with David tennant, our family has once again found the joy we used to experience when watching Tom Baker, Peter Davison, Colin Baker and Sylvester McCoy battle everything from Daleks to Cybermen. Johnny Depp is planning to make yet another Pirates of the Carribbean Movie and a somewhat geriatric Harrison Ford brought Indiana Jones back for one more adventure last year.

But if I turn on my oldies station and hear Green Day belting out, "Don't Wanna Be an American Idiot!" I'll know the world has gone mad. Some songs are just not meant to ever be oldies.

What Happens When Octomom's Kids Boomerang?

2009-03-16T20:02:00.000-07:00

When I was growing up, I wanted to have a lot of kids when I grew up. I loved reading books Like Cheaper by the Dozen and Yours, Mine and Ours, as well as fictional books with large families. When I met my husband-to-be, he only wanted to have two kids, and he paled just a little when I told him I wanted 5. We compromised at 3 and then, after the difficult pregnancy and childbirth that came along with our younger daughter, we compromised again at 2. At times I have thought wistfully of the large family of my dreams, but instead of nurturing lots of human babies to adulthood, I've adopted stray animals instead and nurtured them.

Still, part of me can sympathize with Nadya Suleiman's desire to have lots of children. I loved having children, loved being a mom, loved raising infants, toddlers,preschoolers and even teenagers. I wasn't real thrilled about toilet training and getting up for the 2 AM feedings, but it did come along with the territory.

I fully expected to suffer the pangs associated with the empty nest syndrome when my girls moved away from home. Our family had always been very close and it was hard to imagine life without them. However, my husband and I quickly discovered the joys of being on our own again and having time just for us. We enjoyed it for about two and a half years before a daughter boomeranged home. It may be several years before she is ready to move back out again.

In the meantime we are juggling bathrooms and parking spots, and determining where the boundaries are. After being out on her own for two and a half years, she doesn't want to have to account to us for her whereabouts. After being without kids in the house for two and a half years, we don't always want to account to her for ours.

There are other issues as well. For various reasons, she is unable to work right now, which means we are supporting her. Right now she's recovering from a severe illness, during which my husband and I both took lots of time off from our day jobs to take her to various doctor appointments and to tend to her needs at home. We both also spent a great deal of time on the phone talking with various doctors and medical providers about her condition, medical tests and treatment.

We had to do the same thing for another daughter a few years ago when she, too, had an acute illness that required a significant amount of our time in terms of medical visits, hospital stays and dealing with the insurance company.

We do all of this willingly because we love our daughters, and we want to help them as much as we can. Our parents have helped us many times when we have needed help. It's what parents do. Still I can't help but wonder about Nadya Suleiman and what she will do when her 14 children start boomeranging on her.

It may not seem like such a big deal now to have 14 young children, including octuplets. Suleiman has said she will have volunteers to help care for the babies. I wonder if these volunteers will still be around when the kids start getting involved in after school activities. Will she have volunteers to play chauffeur when 2 kids have soccer practice (at different fields) another has piano lessons and another three go for t-ball-- all at the same time? Will the volunteers be able to help her make the rounds of the various teachers during School Open House? It may not seem hard to hit all the teachers when the kids are in elementary school, but when they get into high school, unless all of the kids have the exact same teachers, she'll never be able to hit all the classrooms in one night.

What about when they get into band and orchestra and choir? Will the volunteers be available to attend the football games of Kids 1,2, and 3 so Nadya can go to Kids 4,5 & 6's violin concert on the same night, while Grandpa helps Kids 7,8 & 9 with their science project and Grandma drills Kids 10, 11 & 12 on their spelling lists. Oops-- I hope there's a volunteer somewhere who can take Kids 13 & 14 to Band Practice since all the other adults are tied up.

Will those volunteers till be around when the kids hit their teens? As any parent of an 11-15 year-old knows, 90% of Nadya's waking hours will be spent driving the kids to all their various activities. Will those volunteers still be there to help play chauffeur? Heck, they'll need one person just to direct the traffic of all those kids in and out of the 4 bathrooms in that house!

Does Nadya realize that even after she gets the kids to age 18, that doesn't mean she's home free? What if they don't all go away to college? What if they have trouble getting jobs? What if they leave home and then come back? If even a few of her kids boomerang, will that army of volunteers still be there to help out? What if her kids follow her example and expect her to help them raise THEIR children? What if some of her kids have the same mindset she does about having babies? Will those volunteers still be there when Nadya's children start having multiple births of their own?

As I look at what Nadya's parents are dealing with, I realize that having my own two children boomerang really isn't so bad at all. At least with adult children moving back home, I don't have to worry about the 2 AM feedings or toilet training. The worst thing that may happen is I have might have to park my car on the street because there's no room for my car in the driveway. At least i know that with three adults and two bathrooms, I have a pretty good chance of being able to get to the facilities when i need to.

Magic, Mensa and Mayhem by Karina Fabian

2009-03-03T10:52:00.000-08:00

We have the cover art, so May I present to you....

MAGIC, MENSA AND MAYHEM!

…."Wisdom of the Ages, Knowledge of Eternity, and I end up a babysitter at the Smart Humans' Convention."--Vern

Here's what some folks have said already. (Vern is preening.)

Magic, Mensa & Mayhem, made me laugh, everything from quiet chuckles to outright snorts. MM&M brought to mind Craig Shaw Gardnerʼs humorous Tales of Wuntvor, with its phraselong Elvish names and clash of magical races, each with its own culture and quirks that would make a UN official tear out his or her hair... There are enough puns to elicit groans from even the sternest critic. A quick read and an enjoyable one.
Jody Lynn Nye, author of An Unexpected Apprentice and co-author of the Myth-Adventures series. www.jodynye.com

Religion and humor suffuse this well-imagined and densely plotted comedic mystery, based on a short story of the same title. Cursed by St. George to serve the Faerie Catholic Church, dragon detective Vern now sleuths in the mundane world. His latest (unpaid) assignment is to babysit a group of faeries attending a Mensa meeting. Vern quickly has his claws full juggling crises, from invisible brownies to two elves whose rivalry threatens to become interdimensional war. Distinctly memorable and occasionally silly supporting characters, from Brunhilde the Valkyrie to Native American trickster Coyote, steer the action. While the conclusion sticks perilously close to genre formula and the narrative is jumpy throughout, most readers will forgive the clichés (and Vern’s groan-worthy puns) and chuckle all the way through. Publisher's Weekly

Order it at Swimming Kangaroo!

Worrying about Mom

2009-01-26T20:17:00.000-08:00

Many times over the years, my mother has told me that one never stops worrying about one's kids. My girls are in their mid-twenties now, but I still worry about them all the time. Now that one of them is married, I worry about her husband too. There's a lovely little saying that I have seen lately, "Being a mother is like having a part of your heart live outside your body." I can certainly relate to that as my children move out into the world.

But what nobody ever told me, however, was how much I would worry about my parents as they grew older. Perhaps because most of my grandparents died before I was born, my parents didn't have to worry about taking care of their parents when they grew older. However my parents and my in-laws are all in their 80's. My mother had a stroke several years ago, and although she made a good recovery,her health is still affected by it. My in-laws are both rather frail- more so, especially, after a severe auto accident about 18 months ago.

My mother broke her hand before Christmas. She slipped while coming into the house from the garage and broke her hand when she put it out to try to catch herself. Then, a few weeks ago, she fell off of a stool and injured her back. When she fell off the stool, she was standing on it and reaching for something in a cupboard. Now why an 80+ year-old woman with a broken hand was standing on a stool to begin with, I don't know. but that's typical of my mother.

My aunt and my sister talked about how to keep Mom off of stools. I said there's no way to do it. If she doesn't have a stool to climb on, she'll climb on something else. Heck, she'll stack books on top of each other and climb on them. My mother is not only very independent, but she is absolutely incapable of NOT doing something. She has to be busy all the time.

I suppose I should be happy that even in her early 80's my mother is still able to climb on stools. She drives herself to the library every week where she volunteers in the periodicals department, and she drives herself to Curves every morning where she does the Curves thing. My sister and I worry about her driving herself in the car. We joke that one of these days, we're going to see her description on one of those signs by the highway: "Missing! 82 years old. Last seen driving a blue sedan." We joke about it, but we don't really think it's funny.

So, I worry about my mom. And I would have to change little saying a mentioned earlier: "Being a daughter means you carry a piece of your parents' heart wherever you go."

Daily from Books We Love: Happy New Year

2009-01-04T08:19:00.000-08:00

Daily from Books We Love: Happy New Year

Amish Friendship Bread: Chain Mail with Food!

2008-12-29T08:53:00.000-08:00

If you've read my blogs for awhile--or if you just know me--you know my low opinion of those "forward me" e-mails that never seem to die. You know--the kind that beseech you to pass it on to 5 or 10 or 50 of your "closest" friends--but only if you truly love them? The gift that keeps on cursing!

Little did I know that the Amish have their own low-tech version of the "forward to your friends" curse.

At after-Mass fellowship early in December, Rob brought over a bag full of dough and a sheet of paper: Amish Friendship Bread.

"Thought you might like to try it. Could be fun," he said.

Warning bells should have gone off. After all, was he going to make the bread? Was he going to clean up afterwards? Did he read the instructions? But no, naïve and trusting, I thought, "Sounds neat," and took the little bag of trouble home.

And actually, it was kind of fun. For five days, all you do is squish the bag. Kind of takes you back to when you were a kid and got to play with dough--only not as messy. Day five, you add more ingredients and continue to squish the bag for five days more. (And of course, realize that I have not read ahead in the directions.)

Day ten, they drop the bomb--or, to keep it Amish, swing the scythe.

Now you pour the bag into the bowl, add more ingredients and separate out four more bags of the stuff to give your friends!

It's a chain letter with food guilt!

It gets better: The instructions for actually making the bread are more complex than any I've worked with in a long time--with 11 ingredients, plus the starter. One of the ingredients is Instant Vanilla Pudding! (So much for being Amish. Or did they take pity on us "gentiles"? So Amish women really make vanilla pudding from scratch just to toss into this bread recipe?)

I was a sport. I made the bread. It's not bread. It's dessert! It's so wonderful, it's almost sinful. If I'd been on a diet, it would have ruined it totally. I decided to save one bag of starter for myself and give the other three away.

Did I mention that most of my friends are long-distance? By the end of the week, I'd only managed to find two victims--er, friends--and those were the boys' teachers, who would never turn down such a loving gift from such a sweet face. (The boys', not mine.) Meanwhile, squish, squish, squish.

Christmas rolled around, and I still had two bags of the stuff. I decided to go ahead and do a mega-bake-off, cook the entire contents of one and split the other. I'd give folks a completed bread and the starter and the instructions--with the additional instruction of "If you don’t want to hassle, just toss it. I won't be offended!"

That was three days ago. I've managed to give one bag away.

Which reminds me. I'd better go squish the dough.

An Author's Christmas Wish List

2008-12-22T07:12:00.000-08:00

It's time once again for my annual Author's Christmas Wish List. In keeping with just about everything else in my life, I'm late on it, but the good news is--none of these are limited to the Yuletide season. You can make any author in your life happy with these gifts--some of time, some of talent, and some of treasure.

Gifts of Time:

Take my book to a store and ask the owner to stock it
Mention to friends or user groups about my website or blog
Babysit the kids so I can have a few quiet hours for writing
Help me set up a book signing at your local bookstore or library (especially appreciated if we live far from each other and I'm coming for a visit)
Contact your local newspaper or radio station about me and arrange an interview--also a great idea if I happen to be coming for a visit

Gifts of Talent:

Create a website for me--or better yet, teach me how
Make a template I can modify
Ideas on how I can market myself or my books--and help me to put them into practice!
Design a banner, book "sell sheet" (a one-page flyer about the book), or other marketing materials

Gifts of Treasure:

Music to write by
Amazon gift certificates to get books
Buy my book--order it from a bookstore
Buy me a domain name for my website
Bookmarks with my cover, name and website
Subscription to writers market
Journals
Book signing gear--poster with my photo and name on it (see link), a roll-away carrier to put the books and materials, book stands
Business cards
Gift certificate to a printer/VistaPrint if they do that
A really good pen!
Large envelopes
Stamps
Business-sized envelopes

There's (Definitely) No Place Like Home for the Holidays

2008-12-10T19:58:00.000-08:00

'Tis the season for family, friends and fellowship--at least that's what countless movies, books and TV shows have told us. Ebenezer Scrooge in A Christmas Carol wants nothing more than to be left alone, yet he is bullied by three spirits who force him to see the joy of family and friends. Songs extol the virtues of being home for the holidays, and the message is implicit everywhere—lots of people: good. Solitude: bad.

As I grow older, I find myself becoming more and more Scrooge-like. I no longer enjoy the hustle and bustle of Christmas, and I would rather have a root canal, a mammogram and a colonoscopy all on the same day than go to a mall at Christmas-time. Hell, I'd even forego the anesthesia!

The family I grew up in is not close, although my parents are under the illusion that we are. I'm quite a bit younger than my three older sisters so in a lot of ways I am the only child of my parents' second family. My three sisters and my parents share experiences that I only know of through stories—memories of a life together with routines and traditions all established before I was born. They all remember the babysitter who took care of my sisters for years before I was born; they remember the houses, the towns, and the schools.

By the time I came along, my family had moved to a new town, I had a new baby sitter, and we had a new life, very different from the one my family lived before I was born. As I grew up, I was still the one left out, the one who was too young to go along with the big kids, the baby of the family, and, I admit, the spoiled brat. I've always felt different from my sisters. One of them told me one time that she thought I set myself apart from them, and maybe I did. Still, during the rare times when our family gets together, it is hard for me to feel a part of things when they start laughing and talking about life before I was born. They all have a history, one of which I am not a part.

After Bill and I got married and the girls were born, we spent four years in upstate New York, isolated from our parents and family. Oh sure, they came to visit us, but never on holidays, so Bill, the girls and I formed our own family traditions. Lo and behold, when we moved back to Texas, we found that we really enjoyed the rituals we had developed, and we liked having holidays to ourselves. This desire to be alone has become even stronger as the demands on our time have increased—we have so little time to ourselves that when we do have a rare day off, the last thing we want to do is spend it with other people.

So here's to all the people out there who like keeping to themselves at the holidays. You're not alone, and there is nothing wrong with you and there is no law that says you have to visit family at Christmas. If the prospect of doing so does not fill you with joy, then stay home and curl up with a mug of hot chocolate and a good book. You'll find your holidays are much less stressful if you do.

Christmas House Light Show

2008-12-08T08:12:00.001-08:00

This has been the craziest year for Christmas events. In the past weekend, we attended four parties, one of which I coordinated with my friend Melissa Healy, and we hosted the after-Mass fellowship. Further, in addition to the Christmas presents to our-of-towners, I sent out about 20 copies of Leaps of Faith and Infinite Space,Infinite God to contributors and reviewers--and the first royalty checks for ISIG! (Imagine splitting royalties 17 ways--it takes a while to build past pennies.)

At any rate, I have neither the time nor the inclination to decorate the outside of my house. I'd rather use that time to some much needed prayer and playing a game or watching TV with the kids. And maybe mopping my floor...

However, here are some folks with time and inclination. I love to watch these!

On Tattoos and Good Taste

2008-11-17T06:59:00.000-08:00

About twice a year, I hear from my godfather. "Hear" is a loose term; what I get is a copy of his tattoo directory. For 15 years now, he's made a business of publishing a catalog of tattoo parlors and piercing places across the US and the world. He often attends tattoo conventions, and as a former professional photographer, he takes photos.

Frankly, since I already suffer for art every time I get a rejection letter, I have no interest in enduring pain to put someone else's art on my body. However, as a writer, I have had characters get tattoos, from my nurse Sachiko who did it to explore her "wild side" to the nuns of Our Lady of the Rescue, who get wedding rings tattooed when they take final vows. Still, I find it hard to believe some of the "art" that people put on their bodies.

Let's talk basic good taste. There may actually be a place where skulls with large flowery eyes are an attractive decorating idea--but on your kneecaps? Chibi Golem in purple and red? Or what about colorful carp? On the buttocks? I'm telling you: your spouse had better have a sense of humor or your love life is toast--with a fishy spread. Then there was the woman with Our Lady of Guadalupe tattooed into the valley of her chest. I'm not sure the thinking process that goes behind having the Mother of God peeking out of your bra. Even worse, the artist did her with a man face.

On that topic--how about checking the actual talent of the artist? One guy had something tattooed to his eyebrow--I could not tell if it was an ice skate blade or a sideways kite. Do you really want someone's first impression of you to be "What the heck is that?" I saw one photo of a woman with an ugly nurse tattooed on her chest. Is her husband supposed to fantasize that he's having an affair with a disfigured Florence Nightingale?

I did see one that was tasteless, but funny at least: a large, orange Buddha tattooed on the guy's side. Buddhaside! At least, when the guy's belly gets bigger, so does Buddha's. Plan ahead, right?

The piercings can get even more bizarre. I saw one young woman who had eyelets inserted along her back so she could lace it up! Never mind how it looks--how do you ever lean against anything again? How do you sleep on your back?

There's a magazine that advertises in the catalog. It's called Pain. Talk about truth in advertising. Now if there were only one that was called, Pain with Good Taste...

The Wish Book

2008-11-05T19:50:00.000-08:00

It was the most anticipated postal delivery of the year. Starting at the first of September, I would eagerly check the mail each day. "Has it come yet? Has it come yet?" Then would come that joyous day when I would come home and find it, the Wish Book. The Sears Christmas Catalog. I'd grab it, run to the sofa in the living room and snuggle down happily to look at the treasures within. Forget the clothes, the linens and fine china. Ignore the jewelry and electronics. I went straight for the back-- the TOY section.

I'd start at the back cover and work my way through the catalog in reverse order. The dolls were always at the very back and that was the first order of business. I had to look at all the dolls and decide which one was going on my Christmas list. This was a serious decision. I had to look at the pictures, read the descriptions, and compare notes with my sisters because we couldn't ask for the same doll. I would argue the merits of the various possibilities with my friends. "Not Betsy Wetsy!" I would say. "Her body is hard and the liquid goes right through her. I'm asking for Thumbelina! Her body is soft and she moves her arms and legs when you pull the string."

I also had to keep in mind the rules from my parents. My mom thought that dolls that "did things" deprived me of the opportunity to use my imagination, so when my friends were oohing and ahing over Baby Tender Love, I'd pull the string on my Thumbelina doll and say dismissively-- "I wouldn't want a doll that does too much! Baby Tender Love doesn't leave anything for me to do." Secretly, I would have died for a talking doll, but Mom wouldn't go for it. There was one year when my sister told me that Mom was actually thinking of buying a talking doll because she had seen it in the catalog and liked the looks of it. Alas, it was not to be. When Mom took a closer look at it, she found it had a cloth body and for some reason she didn't like that.

It was the most important decision of the year because whatever doll I got for Christmas would be the doll that I would play with for the entire year to come, so I had better choose wisely. I would love to have had a boy doll because I didn't want my doll family to be all girls, but alas, I was much too old for dolls when Archie Bunker's grandson doll was released in the mid 70's. However, never one to lack imagination (thanks to my mother's refusal to buy me a Baby Tender Love) I had some stuffed animals with tails and those worked fine for the little boys of the family. The tails made a dandy "anatomically correct" appendage, if you ignored the fact that it was in the back instead of the front.

When I was 7, my mother made up for everything by allowing me to ask for Cheerful Tearful on my letter to Santa. Cheerful was a hard-body baby doll that CRIED REAL TEARS, wet her diaper, smiled and whimpered. Of course, she only smiled when her arm was held up high in the world but I didn't care. I wanted her so badly I had dreams about her. Sara (as I renamed her because what self respecting doll mother is going to call one of her babies "Cheerful Tearful?") was always just out of my reach, but on Christmas morning, there she was.

The next year Sears had a completely new offering, beautiful fashion dolls by Furja of Italy. I fell in love with Simona, a platinum blonde with a beauty mark on her face that I tried to scrape off, thinking it was a speck of dirt. My mother made a complete wardrobe for her, and Simona became my favorite doll. I still have her, tucked in a corner of my closet. I thought my daughters might want her one day, but neither of them really played much with the larger-sized dolls. My older daughter most played with her Barbie dolls and my younger daughter played with her plush animals and My Little Pony dolls.

When I was 9, I went the fashion doll route again, although I didn't want the doll I asked for, another platinum blonde named Christina. It was my sister who wanted her, but at 13, she was considered too old for dolls, so I asked for her as a favor to my sister. I never really cared for Christina-- she was bigger than Simona so I cast her in the role of the mean, fat, ugly sister with Simona being the noble, brave, beautiful abused child who took care of Sara and the other babies.

I took a break when I was 10, because I desperately wanted a watch. My mother gave me a choice-- a watch or a doll-- and I went for the watch, but at age 11, for my final doll I went for the only non-blonde doll I ever received: Beautiful Crissy with hair that actually grows. Yes, surprisingly, my mother once again broke her rule about gimmicky dolls and allowed me to get one that actually DID something. Crissy fit in well with my doll family-- she was the rich relative who befriended Simona and tried to help her. Christina was still the outcast as I just never did like her. I know I still have the Christina doll, and I had the Crissy doll for a long time but I don't think I do anymore.

When I go through the toy stores now, I am pleased to see that a substantial portion of shelf space is still given over to dolls. Barbie dolls and baby dolls, action figures and gimmicky dolls. Many of the dolls I grew up with have been re-released- I've seen cheerful Tearful and Crissy come around in various incarnations a few times and I've also seen several variations of Thumbelina. I've even heard that Sears is thinking of bringing back the Wish Book in a somewhat abbreviated form. I hope they do because the kids of today need all the help they can get in writing their Christmas lists!

Like fantasy, mystery and humor? Have I got an offer for you!

2008-10-23T08:24:00.001-07:00

Hi, everyone,

I'm doing a special deal on my DragonEye, PI website in anticipation of the first novels coming out in 2009. If you register on the website before December 1, you will get a free DragonEye, PI story, plus a special offer on "Christmas Spirits," a DragonEye, PI holiday mystery.

What's DragonEye, PI? It's fantasy mystery in a noir style starring a cynical dragon detective, Vern, and his partner the Church mage Sister Grace. Mysteries solved. Lost treasures found. Universes saves...you get the picture. Their cases range from the deadly serious to the wildly ridiculous, sometimes at the same time, and Vern's unique POV makes it fun to read. (Think Dresden Files meets Myth Adventures.)

In addition, you'll be subscribed to the Dragon's Eye View, an every-other-month newsletter with Faerie Facts, a note from Vern the Dragon Detective, and news on upcoming publishing and story deals from Karina Fabian.

It's easy to do! Just go to www.dragoneyepi.net and register (look under the blindfolded smiley or where it says REGISTER on the top center column. Follow the directions, and you're in!

Blessings,
Karina Fabian

Unleash Your Story for Cystic Fibrosis Foundation

2008-09-02T11:15:00.001-07:00

I’m participating in an event to benefit the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation. Please join me and help raise funds for investment in vital CF programs to support research, care and education.

During the month of September, I commit to writing 15,000 words and I'm hoping to raise at least $150 for CFF.

Cystic fibrosis (CF) is a devastating genetic disease that affects the lungs and digestive system. More than ten million Americans are symptomless carriers of the defective CF gene. Advances continue to be made in finding a cure, but your help is needed now-more than ever-to help keep up the momentum of this life-saving research. To learn more about CF and the CF Foundation, visit www.cff.org.

Together, we can make a difference in the lives of those with cystic fibrosis. Thank you for supporting the mission of the CF Foundation!

Thanks to everyone for your support!

Click Here to donate.

In other news, both of my non-fiction booklets, Made Up Mayhem and Adapting Your Novel for Film have released. Stop by my website for details!
Perilously yours,
Pauline

What I Did on My Summer Vacation

2008-07-28T08:58:00.000-07:00

I earned serious cool points while on vacation with my 23-year-old daughter this year. She and I went to Roswell, NM, for the annual UFO Festival, which we went to under the misconception that everyone should attend it once in their lives. After having been there, let me clear this up for anyone who still labors under this misconception-- unless you REALLY believe in UFO's and alien visitations, and I do mean REALLY believe in them, you don't need to go to Roswell.

After the festival was over, Jaala and I decided to drive out to the landing site. The only thing is, there are at least 11 alleged landing sites for the Roswell UFO crash. We picked the one that seemed to be the closest. Getting there involved driving for an hour on this back country road and then going off road. The directions were absolutely awful-- Jaala and I were constantly confused as to whether that rock up ahead was the one mentioned in the directions or whether that tree was really the one we were supposed to see at this particular odometer reading.

However, the real key thing here is that we were off road. I had rented an SUV for our trip so no worries, right? How was I to know that some SUV's don't have 4-wheel drive? Now I've been on some awful roads before, but this was by far the most awful road I have been on in my life. I had to drive around (and sometimes over) boulders, holes and saplings. It was also dark, and we were out in the middle of nowhere-- no wonder the aliens picked that place to crash. I'm just amazed that anyone ever noticed them!

I was driving along at about 1 mph, swearing with just about every other word that came out of my mouth when suddenly my world tipped. My side of the car was up in the air and I was looking down at Jaala's half of the car. Our tires were all still touching the earth-- I think-- but we weren't on the same plane.

I didn't move anything. My mind raced furiously as I tried to figure out what to do. If I went forward, I was doubtless going to flip the car. I decided that would not be a good thing. There was nothing else to do so I very slowly switched the car into Reverse and slowly, oh so agonizingly slowly, crept backward until I couldn't go any further. Then back into forward, turning the wheel sharply to avoid the escarpment I had just been hung up on. Backwards and forwards I rocked the car until we were level. However now we had a new problem-- we were stuck. I'd backed us right into a ditch. So I floored it, and we roared out of the ditch and back onto the pitiful excuse for a road. Then I stopped, and for a good 5 minutes Jaala and I just sat there and heaved gulping sighs of relief.

Later, when we were back home safe and sound, we told my husband about our trip. "It was the coolest!" Jaala enthused. "We went off road to find the crash site, and we nearly flipped the SUV!" Bill looked at me, "You what?!!!!" "Not really, dear," I tried to say but Jaala went on. "If you'd been with us we'd never have done that! You'd never have taken us off road like that!" "That's because I have more sense than your mother,"Bill muttered, looking at me darkly.

On the way back from New Mexico, Jaala and I laughed many times about how we had nearly flipped the SUV. From there, our conversation went on to memories of other trips-- the time the girls and I went camping at Big Bend and got caught in a dust storm and then had to drive 50 miles up a steep, unpaved hill while the canoe tied to the roof of our van threatened to fly off into the gorge to the left of us at any second. Or the time on the same trip when Jaala's best friend who was with us scared her with tales of an axe murderer hiding in the back of the van, causing me to threaten to leave him on the side of the road. Or the trip to Illinois when my husband spilled orange juice all over the breakfast table. Or the trip to Dublin when we had a tour guide who hated Bill just because Bill was from Texas, which was the same place George Bush was from. Somehow it escaped this tour guide that the girls and I were also from Texas because he was unfailingly gracious, charming and polite to us while at the same time he was so blatantly rude to Bill that Bill nearly refused to go on the next day's tour with him.

Family vacations are a wonderful way to broaden children's horizons and expose them to history, geography and other cultures, but when it comes right down to it, I think the most important benefit of family vacations is the way they bring the members of the family together. My memories of the trips Bill and I took with the girls are not of the wonderful places we saw but of the things that made us laugh. Long after Jaala and I have forgotten what the UFO landing site in Roswell looked at, we will be able to laugh about how we nearly flipped the SUV. And Jaala will always remember that, on that trip at least, her mom was the coolest mom in the world.

Thank You Troops and their Families

2008-07-08T14:50:00.003-07:00

Since the July topic hasn't posted yet, let me

take a moment to thank the men and women who defend and protect our liberty. And I'd also like to thank their families, who sacrifice so very much!

THANK YOU!!!

Perilously yours,

Pauline

I never have my camera when I need it!

2008-06-28T12:20:00.000-07:00

There is a detour on a section of local road while it is being repaved. We were driving along the gravel detour when we passed an opossum carcass in the middle of the road. Dead animals along the road are not unusual here. What was usual was seeing the carcass move. Backup up and saw a baby on top of the carcass.

Yes, a baby opossum with more more babies hanging out the mother's pouch, their heads still attached inside, little pink tails swirled into tight spirals, mouths suckling their dead mama. What to do? I have seven cats who would love opossum lunch. Several cars slowed and cautiously move around us, one driver said throw the critters in the ditch. Sorry, we stopped, can't to anything but help now.

While my partner called on his cell phone to find a shelter, I got a box and put a towel in it. Items easily found in my messy trunk. I used gloves found in the same source to remove the babies, counting babies as I put them in the box. One on top, one moving around outside the pouch, seven suckling. Nine went into the box, hissing and snapping. The pouch still moved. Three more 6" long opossum babies curled up inside her. Once the babies were removed, I placed the dead animal on the side of the road. We headed for the DNR. They don't do anything, but gave us the name of a woman who rescued wild animals.

We just caught Ann, as she comes home daily from a week's camping trip to feed some raccoon babies. She said yes, she'd take the baby opossums. When she saw them, she said they were bigger than she expected and they should have no trouble survivng. They could probably already eat solid food like tinned dog or cat food. Placing the babies in an old aquarium, she put the aquarium on the front seat of her truck and told us she'd take them with her back to her camp site to watch them. Once they are ready to survive on their own, they'd be released at a safe spot.

This year, or perhaps next, will be Ann's last year rescuing animals. The DNR demands that she take a class out of state and pay for it and the book she needs. She is already paying for her cages and food to feed the animals. This is outrageous. We have thousands of wild animals of every ilk killed on our highways every year, something like 68,000 deer in our state alone, but no one is interested in saving the few who escape? The DNR can't pay for the further training for the few people who have already been doing this type of thing? They must take classes and pay for everything themselves?

I guess it won't be too long before we are hauling the living carcasses to the side of the road to die.

My only regret was not having my camera with me to take a photo of the twelve babies. I'll probably never have another opportunity to see opossums this close.

Playing Tiddly Winks

2008-05-23T06:57:00.001-07:00

The topic for this month is something about car maintenance, but since the only maintenance I do on my car is to fill it with gas when the gauge is on E, I'm going to talk about something that is much more important-- and it's something that is germane to all couples, even though it is not often spoken about.

Well, let me take that back-- there's quite a bit of talk about it when the kids are little. Magazine articles shout about how to keep romance alive and offer helpful hints such as, "trade weekend babysitting with a friend," or "make a date for some afternoon when the kids are in school, meet your partner at home, and enjoy a rousing game of tiddly winks."

Truth to tell, when the kids were growing up, my husband and I didn't have too much trouble finding opportunities for tiddly winks. Our bedroom was set off from theirs; they didn't understand what any noises we may have been making meant anyway; and they were out of the house often enough to allow for frequent tiddly wink rendezvous.

Once the girls left home, tiddly winks got even better-- and spread all through the house. Tiddly winks even went mobile-- we might start in the living room, move to the bedroom and then into the shower for some tiddly winks under water.

Then we had our 23-year-old daughter move back home, and suddenly there were no more tiddly winks. She has an active social life, so we didn't think it would be that much of a problem when she came home. We'll just reserve the tiddly winks for when she goes out with her friends, we thought. The problem is, she never goes out with her friends. She never goes anywhere. She is always home and is likely to walk in at any moment to find us playing tiddly winks.

This inhibits us just a little.

Okay, it inhibits us quite a lot.

My husband's friends at work evidently know the feeling. One of his co-workers told him there would be no more "Afternoon Delight" when our daughter moved back home. Another co-worker told him that when her daughter moved back home, she insisted on the girl spending the night at a friend's house every couple of weeks. I don't think that this is an issue that any articles about boomerang kids ever addresses.

Last night I came home from work and noticed my husband's car was in the driveway. More significantly, my daughter's wasn't. "Where is she?" I asked when I came in.

"She went to her sister's."

"How long is she going to be gone?"

"I don't know."

It was the best game of tiddly winks we've had in a long time!

Why Spring Clean Anyway?

2008-04-28T18:22:00.000-07:00

I don't clean.

Period.

I gave it up when I went to grad school a few years ago. Between being a soccer mom and wife and working a 40+ hour a week job, something had to give and that something was housecleaning.

We had a cleaning lady for a while. She was nice, but she talked a lot and didn't do a good job when she was in a hurry. After the first few months she was always in a hurry. Sometimes she brought her teen-aged son and daughter to help clean. They didn't do that great a job. When I lost my job, we let her go.

But no, I didn't start cleaning again when I lost my job because I immediately immersed myself in starting Swimming Kangaroo and still didn't have time to clean.

We use the daily shower spray in the bathrooms, automatic bowl cleaner in the toilets and vacuum occasionally. My daughter, who likes to dust, every once in a while will run through the house with the feather duster, or one of us will get tired of looking at the dust and will go after it with furniture polish. I seldom cook so the kitchen isn't really an issue. If we are going to have company over, my husband and I spent an hour or so attacking the big picture. Anybody who notices the dust bunnies under the bed is poking their nose where they shouldn't anyway.

If I had time would I clean? Probably not much more than I do now because I can always find something I like to do better than clean. If I had money would I hire another cleaning lady? Possibly. Supposedly I pay my daughter to clean for me, but since she seldom actually does it, I seldom actually pay her.

I used to spring clean every time we moved, and when we were newly married, we moved a lot. However, we've been in our house for 17 years now and haven't seen the backs of some of our closets since we moved in. Somehow we've survived without knowing what's hidden in their murky depths. When we do finally move- probably to our retirement home, we'll probably have one heck of a garage sale. Either that, or we'll just shift the boxes from the closets in our current home to the closets in our new home. After all, since we've managed without whatever is in them for 17 years, we probably don't really need it.

So there-- you wanna know the best way to handle spring cleaning? Just don't do it. Now that we've gotten that out of the way we can talk about cooking-- oh, right, I don't do that either. Laundry? Uh, no. Grocery shopping? Yard work?

What do I do when I'm not working on Swimming Kangaroo and my day job, you ask? Hey, just ask my shar-pei. I am a dog walker par excellence- and taking Wrinkles for a walk is more important than housework could ever be!

Order and Disorder in the Scheme of Life

2008-04-24T16:49:00.000-07:00

As Lea speaks about cleaning, it brings up one of my concerns. Why do opposites attract? Why would a person who loves order find a partner who thrives on chaos? Mine won't put any tool away while working on a project because he's afraid he won't be able to find it again (he only has to look in my toolbox to find a duplicate); not even if the project lasts a month or more.

I like order. I like being able to find something when I need it. Although, besides a man who operates on chaos theory, there also seems to be a house gremlin here who grabs and hides what I need most and only lets it go when that item is no longer needed in order to snatch the next item I desperately need. However, as much as I love order, I do not like achieving organization. Something one of my best friends once told me a long time ago has stuck in my mind: to get organized you must first get thoroughly disorganized. The cure sounds worse than the disease.

Another good friend who was dying of cancer once asked, "Why as a young wives and mothers do we clean and sweep so much? There were so many better ways I could have spent that time. " Which gives me leave to go watch the daffodils bloom.

Rhobin

Baby Steps to Spring Cleaning

2008-04-13T05:28:00.000-07:00

Wow, April and my spring cleaning has begun...NOT! I need time so since TIME is not on my side I'll have to devise ways of spring cleaning my house in other ways.

Now, let's see:

Leave the windows open to remove any lingering odors inside. Okay, can do that and it won't take any time. Will need to remember to close the windows otherwise Noah's ark will be needed with the rain we've been getting lately.

Buy plastic plates and utensils. Hey, that works!

Buy more garbage bags to place plastic plates and utensils inside.

Have visitors wear a Swiffer rag under their feet and make them do a clean sweep around my living room once. Saves me sweeping and vacumming for at least...oh, whenever.

Laundry...love doing laundry...shove them in the machine then pop them in the dryer.

Ironing...hate it...spray the wrinkled shirts with some water then pop them in the dryer for a few minutes and hang them right away.

Cooking...Kelloggs, frozen dinners, bread and water, soup and crackers...oh wait, that's the prisoner's list...shoot! Okay, I have to cook. What kind of a mom would I be if I actually fed my kids ONLY Kelloggs...hmmm...

Okay, I'm out of ideas here. You guys have any quick tricks to spring cleaning?

Pops-a Love/Hate Relationship

2008-02-29T05:35:00.000-08:00

This is a totally off the wall relationship that I have. Many have said they're beginning to worry about me. :) Don't. Call it creativity, call it what you want...but my characters from Rock Kingdom have a mind of their own. If you don't believe me, then visit their Rock Kingdom's Citizen's blog.

It's such a thrilling moment in a writer when a character or characters they've created take a life of their own. Readers have been leaving these guys comments left and right, some good and some bad, but all in all it's such a joy from a writer's point of view to see them communicating with 'real' people.

So for those posting on their block, don't call me insane. You're leaving them posts. hehehe

Your Call

2008-02-25T06:46:00.000-08:00

I’ve done something I’ve never done before. Let me first explain, I've studied media and marketing, and that I know just by talking about it, I am promoting this product, that marketers no longer seem to care about negativity, only that their product is mentioned. I'm doing it anyway.

After seeing a commercial twice on TV, I called the Frito-Lay company and complained about their commercial made by Goodby, Silverston and Partners. The commercial in question takes place in a laundromat with two women. In a snotty voice the older woman tells the younger, who just picked up a piece of the woman's clothing from the floor, ‘that other people are trying to do their laundry, too.’ The girl sees an imaginary Chester Cheetah who tells her, ‘Felicia, those are her whites in the dryer.’ Where upon Felicia sneaks over and puts a handful of Cheetos in the dryer. You can see this on You Tube.

Most of the comments about the commercial on You Tube seemed positive (probably from the 18 to 23 crowd who have never done six or more loads of family laundry in a laundramat – do you suppose this applies to those who dreamed this up at advertising company, too?), but I think most of the kudos were for the young actress, Felicia Day, who has at least five comedic episodes about a group of computer gamers she wrote and acted called ‘the Guild’ on You Tube. The commercial has the same insouciance as the You Tube episodes. Since I haven't seen this commercial lately on national TV, I'm assuming they placed it on You Tube to reach their target market.

The woman from Frito-Lay (I had to go to their website to find a number – and guess what? The website is aimed at children) was very polite and said Frito-Lay was always interested in their customers' views, both good and bad. I explained I love Fritos, I love Cheetos, too (just have to contain my love for these fat laden products), but told her what I thought about the commercial. She offered me some coupons and I accepted and hung up. A few days later I received an envelope in the mail with three coupons for any Frito-Lay product up to $3.49 and a letter. I guess I wasn’t the only one who was appalled. The letter stated the commercial was ‘intended to be a tongue-in-cheek, light-hearted way for us to talk about Cheetos’ … and … ‘In the adult-focused advertising, Chester Cheetah has gone from a larger than life character to an inner, mischievous voice for adults.’

Speech fails me. My mind reels and spirals downward on so many levels over this whole episode. If interested, go view the commercial and form your own opinion. If you like the light-hearted mischievousness, well hell, I’ve just passed into the old fogy part of my existence and my steps have slowed too much to keep pace with today’s society. If you are impressed or unimpressed, call Frito-Lay at 1-800-352-4477. They answer the phone Monday – Friday, 9:00 A.M. to 4:30 P.M., Central Standard Time. At least the coupons pay for your time. I wonder if Frito-Lay is going to pay for all the re-dos of white laundry? Because you know some young 'adult' is going to think its just too funny to pass up an opportunity.

O, BTW put a ® next to all those brand names.

Rhobin

A Perfectly Suited Couple

2008-02-23T21:05:00.000-08:00

I owe my marriage to a toothache. Yes, if it weren't for my wisdom teeth, I would never have met Bill, to whom I have been happily married for almost 28 years.

It was my first semester at college and his last, and I was miserable. I wasn't homesick- although I did miss my dog- nor was I having problems with my classes. I was making friends, liked my roommate and my apartment. My homework was manageable; my professors were okay and life was generally pretty good. Except...

My wisdom teeth were coming in. All 4 of them. Two were impacted. Two were infected, and I was in pain. My throat hurt; my ears hurt. I could barely talk, could barely do much of anything. I had an appointment scheduled with my dentist but that was a week away, so I was miserable.

After class one Monday, I stopped by the Sweet Stop to get some ice cream to sooth my throat. With my chocolate shake in hand, I looked for a place to sit. Hmm, I didn't have many options. In 1978 there were a lot of Iranian students at my university, and that liked to hang out at the Sweet Stop. I had often sat and spoken with them before and found them to generally be fun to talk with. They liked talking with Americans because they were always eager to improve their English. One guy even carried around a little notepad and when he came across words that he didn't understand, he wrote them down and then showed them to the next American he came across to find out what the word meant.

But anyway, on this day my throat was sore, and I didn't want to talk to anybody. I knew that if I sat with one of the Iranians, I would have to talk to him, but I didn't have many options. All the tables were full- but wait! There was an American guy sitting at a table reading a book! If I sat down with him, maybe he would just keep on reading his book and I could sip my shake in peace. So I asked him if I could sit at his table, slid into my seat, started to open my own book, and I'll be darned if he didn't put down his book and start talking!

Unbeknownst to me, he had been sitting there wishing a beautiful girl would come and sit down across from him. Instead he got me. Oh well.

I eventually agreed to go out with him to get him to shut up. Two weeks later, after my wisdom teeth had been removed and I was feeling more romantic, he proposed to propose. ("If things keep up like this I'll be asking you to marry me.") Eighteen months later we were married.

So I owe my husband to my wisdom teeth. That and the fact that he didn't call me a "Trekkie" when he saw my Star Trek shirt when I sat down at that table. But that's a whole 'nother story for a whole 'nother day!

Talk is Cheap

2008-02-20T08:58:00.000-08:00

I was reading the romance posts on this blog and it got me to thinking about my 34 year marriage (in April) and how we've managed to stay married through the ups and downs, the kids, male pattern blindness (see my personal blog for an explanation), and that catch-all "life."

My Jonesie doesn't say a lot, but what he does is what matters, something I tried to teach our kids. Talk is cheap. People will say anything, but the only thing that really matters is what they do. What someone does tells you everything about who that person is, what they believe in, and how much they care about you and others.

Case in point, years ago my dad was working on the roof of one of his gas stations. My brothers were helping, as were several other people. Some women across the fence came out to sunbath and "accidentally" let their tops fall off. My brothers were both impressed that my dad didn't bother to look. He's been a faithful husband for sixty years. He's paid his debts, forgave others their debts and been a loving father. When he gives advice, I not only listen, I follow it.

Jonesie, while different in many ways from my dad, is also very like him. He's been a good father, a good provider, a wonderful lover and a faithful friend. Kids and animals love him, well, our cat isn't a fan, but that's just because Jonesie wouldn't let the cat sleep on his face.

He's shown me he loves me, that he loves our life together, that we matter. It's nice that he's also said the words, but they wouldn't have meant much if he hadn't lived it for thirty-four years.

Romance, the true and lasting kind, takes more than sighs and words. It takes consistent action. It takes turning aside from anything that will take you away from each other. It's giving up the many great and enticing things that life throw at you, to make sure that you don't lose that person through neglect or indifference.

Anne Morrow Lindberg, in her Gifts from the Sea, points out that love is like the tide. Sometimes it goes out, but if you have faith that the tide will come in, you can wait it out. Faith is aided by the knowledge that the love you have between you is worth waiting for, that the time, the actions you've invested in the relationship are too important to throw away for short term pleasure.

I'm glad that after 34 years Jonesie can still make a thrill run down my back and my toes curl in my shoes--but I'm also glad he was there for me when I was too tired to feel my feet, let alone have them curl.

Thirty-four years ago he pledged to love me forever and for 34 years he's shown me he keeps his word.

Love isn't about proof or passing tests. Those are for schools and driver's licenses. Love is about living your feelings. It's about making mistakes and not just saying you're sorry, but showing it by mending the wrong. Love is forgiving, even when they don't deserve it.

Love isn't about letting someone hurt you over and over again.

If you want a love that lasts, let sweet words curl your toes but make sure their actions fit the words. If their actions don't match, they aren't a keeper and no amount of hope and wishing will make that frog into a prince.

Pauline, a stay at home mom, spouse and romantic, she is the author of eight novels of romantic suspense, humor and adventure. On her website she posts writing and life tips.

The Break-Up Diet

2008-02-13T20:07:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentine's Day everyone. And what a neat way to celebrate than a Break-Up Diet book. But before we go there I'd like to say something...

This year I'll be celebrating my 31st wedding anniversary to my high school sweetheart.Married with five children, we've had our ups and downs but one thing I can honestly say is that if given the chance to change anything in my past I would definetely wish to have not wasted energy arguing over petty things.

I suppose that's what growing up is all about- understanding past mistakes and making amends. It's funny, but I love that man more today than when I first cast eyes on him in high school. And this sentiment has nothing to do with Velentine's Day as much as realizing and appreciating that your Prince Charming, your happily-ever-after life is stronger today because you've both held on and worked at things as a couple. I love you, Jimmy.

This brings me to the Break-up Diet:

The Break-Up Diet: a memoir by Annette Fix goes on sale today! You can order it on Amazon.com or from your local bookseller.

The Break-Up Diet is the true story of a 30-something single mother/aspiring writer who is working as an exotic dancer, searching for Prince Charming, and trying to find a perfect balance between her dreams and her day-to-day life as Supermom.

Please visit The Break-Up Story Forum (www.mybreakupstory.com)
A place where women can go to read and share their break-up and dating stories. Check it out and join the fun!

Annette Fix is the Senior Editor for WOW! Women On Writing, an author, and spoken-word storyteller, living in Laguna Niguel, California with her Danish Prince Charming, her aspiring photographer son, and two rescued dogs.

Book Website: www.thebreak-updiet.com
The Break-Up Story Forum: www.mybreakupstory.com
Blog: http://thebreak-updiet.blogspot.com
Myspace: www.myspace.com/thebreakupdiet

I, for one, can relate to supermom. Make sure to check out Annette's new book. Sounds like a winner.

Lea Schizas
http://leaschizaseditor.com

A Laptop, a Good Idea and Thou: The Romance of Collaboration

2008-02-04T12:19:00.001-08:00

People laugh sometimes when I tell them that my idea of a romantic evening with my husband is collaborating on a story. However, when we are working together on a story, I see again all the things that made me fall in love with Rob.

Rob is an attractive man, but that isn't what drew me to him. From the beginning, it's been his humor, his analytical skills and his ability to apply his encyclopedic knowledge that I've found admirable and, yes, sexy.

As we married and our lives joined not only spiritually but in the mundane realm of shared experiences and common goals, there was still a lot to talk about and share, but rehashing what went on at work and what the babies had done that day can get old. We've always been great communicators--a result of spending our first two years of marriage with an ocean dividing us--so when we did go on dinner dates, we needed something new to talk about.

So we started making up stories.

Our first venture, nearly 10 years ago, happened while I was writing a series on different orders of nuns and Rob was involved in Artemis Society, a group trying to establish a commercial presence on the moon. Those common experiences got us thinking that someday, humans were going to have a viable commercial presence in the solar system, and the Catholic Church would want to follow--but how? We decided on an order of intrepid nuns who did dangerous search and rescue work in outer space. By working for "air, supplies and the Love of God," they undercut the commercial competition in the S&R field and forced a path for religious in space.

"Leap of Faith" was our first story. That story has led to others--indeed to a whole universe!--and to three anthologies: Leaps of Faith (coming Summer 2008 from The Writers' Café Press), Infinite Space, Infinite God (Twilight Times), and Infinite Space, Infinite God II (accepting submissions now!)

The creative process is exciting for us. As we bat ideas back and forth and hammer out problems, I get to see Rob's mind in action in something that isn't just work related (which gets familiar and old). I can toss the most unlikely things out at him--how do you have a fistfight in microgravity? In fact, much of our collaborating is the two of us hammering out the plot, me writing, and him providing "tech support".

We laugh a lot, too, but we do that, anyway. Still, it's nice to do something with our unique (well, okay, odd) humor beside banter puns.

The key, though, and maybe it's selfish, but when we collaborate, he's focused on something that is just ours--not his and work, not ours and kids'--just his and mine together. And my focus is there, too--not on the house, the obligations of my other writing--just on what we're doing for fun. He challenges my mind to keep up with his, finding new angles, posing new situations. I feel smarter and stronger when we collaborate--and that's romantic (even sexy), too.

The past few years, Rob's work has taken away from our collaboration time, and I find I have to fight to get "storytime" with him. But he's always there when I have a question or a conundrum--and always with an answer that blows me away. We steal what time we can, and dream of the days when kids are in college and Rob's retired and we can really write together.
It's going to be amazing.

February: Month of Romance

2008-02-03T15:49:00.000-08:00

For some February is the longest month of the year. For me, March is the longest month because you know spring is right around the corner yet the snow keeps coming down.

But February for many is the time for romance.

My husband is my high school sweetheart. I was entering first year high school and he was in his last year. I remember entering the corner restaurant hang out and spotted him talking with a few of his friends. My heart went PING and I knew right then and there I had to meet my future husband before we got married. :)

Never happened right away. But two years later, he came back for a visit, asked me to the local school trip, and we hooked up. Funny thing is, he had a crush on me, too. Took him long enough to make his move.

We've been married since 1977, have five gorgeous kids we're proud of, ups and downs like in any marriage, but I made good on my promise to meet my future husband so long ago.

You need to love the person you're with now and not wait until something happens to open your eyes. I remember being in the car one day stopped at a red light and I happened to glance up to a building. There was a little old lady sweeping her balcony, then sat down and looked out at the traffic below. My heart fell to the floor because at that moment I realized that one day I will be that lady, alone in an apartment without my better half and since then I cherish each day I am with him.

Lea Schizas
http://leaschizaseditor.com

January's Blog!

2008-02-02T10:57:00.000-08:00

Aaaaaaa! The blog changed January topics on me! Originally the topic for January was given to me as "Sidewalk Sales: are you a habitual 'sales' buyer?" I was planning a nice, short, succinct blog that said, simply, "No. I hate crowds and hate shopping. Next topic please."

However, I delayed too long and in mid-January, the bloggers were asking each other what the topic for the month is, and somehow in the course of the discussion, the topic switched to: NEW BEGINNINGS. It's nice to know that other people have memories as bad as mine. Since I am becoming accustomed to the vagaries of growing older, one of which is that I forget absolutely EVERYTHING, I've gotten in the habit of keeping almost every email I receive. Then I just have to remind myself to look at those emails when I want to remember something. Unfortunately, due to a really bad case of the flu that sidelined me for three weeks and then an auto accident that sidelined me for another week, I completely missed out on the discussion among my fellow bloggers about the January topic. By the time I got around to reading that particular set of emails, the topic had already changed.

So NEW BEGINNINGS it is. And I gotta tell you, I'm ready for a new beginning because quite frankly, the beginning of this year has pretty much sucked. In the previous paragraph I mentioned my bad case of flu. First, let me say that I am seldom sick. I will admit to being accident prone and to constantly being sidelined by really weird things (a brown recluse spider bite, receiving a concussion from my cat, receiving a concussion by falling in an elevator, having three pairs of broken glasses within a few days courtesy of my sharpei), but I almost am never actually sick. I may run a fever and be miserable for a day or two, but I can usually function, and certainly am never affected for more than a couple of days.

However, the Sunday before Christmas, I woke up with the worst case of flu I've ever had. My throat hurt like the dickens; I couldn't stop coughing; my head ached; my eyes hurt; I couldn't sit up without getting dizzy; I lost my voice; my temperature was spiking, and I couldn't concentrate on anything. I slept all day Sunday and woke up on Christmas Eve feeling even worse, which I'd have been willing to bet wasn't possible. So I slept all day Christmas Eve and woke up on Christmas Day feeling worse still.

[***Extremely long, boring passage about my illness moved to the bottom of this post in case someone REALLY wants to read about my three weeks of misery. I would delete it entirely, but it does have a few gems in it, such as the bit about the cats. Besides, I need to get some kind of play out of being sick for three whole weeks!]

What was I supposed to be writing about? Oh yeah, NEW BEGINNINGS. So now that I've mostly recovered from the flu (I still have a lot of congestion and a cough) and I've survived wrecking my [new] car in Austin, I am going to pretend that January just didn't happen. My 2008 is going to start in February (which is why I am writing January's blog in February!) This month I am going to write a Nobel winning novel, lose 150 pounds, earn one million dollars and achieve world peace. And next month I'm going to come back and tell you all about how I did it.

***[Here is the passage I removed in case any of you are gluttons of punishment enough to actually want to read it.]

The day after Christmas my daughter drove me to a doctor (not my regular one) who stuck a stick up my nose and then comfortingly told me, "Yep, you've got the flu. If you'd gotten here in the first 48 hours, we could have given you a shot and taken care of it, but since you waited, you'll just have to let it run its course." Like I purposely planned to get the flu on the Sunday before Christmas when the doctor's office was closed.

He assured me that I should be on the downward slope and would be feeling better in a few days, so I went home and crawled back in bed… where I stayed for the next seven days. I had no choice; if I tried to get out of bed I couldn't remain upright for more than a split second or so. I actually had to sleep sitting propped up on pillows because my lungs were so congested I couldn't breathe any other way. One time I woke up and I had four of our six cats curled up on top of me, enjoying the radiant warmth from my body (humans running temps of more than 100 make great heated mattresses!)

On New Year's Day I was still sick and was worried because I was supposed to resume my day job the next day. By this point I had been bedridden (and voiceless) for 10 days, most of which passed in a sleep-induced haze. When I woke up the day after New Year's, I immediately realized that there was no way I was going to make it back to work, so again I went to the doctor, this time seeing my regular doctor who was absolutely thrilled that I had an officially verified case of the flu. I was his first
official case this year he announced happily. I guess doctors run a pool on things like that.

However he agreed with the previous doctor that it was too late for me to receive any anti-flu wonder drugs, although he did give me a vitamin shot and a steroid shot to help dry up my congestion so I could at least get my voice back and bolster my immune system. He also said that I would not be able to return to my day job until Monday at the earliest, if then.

So back home I went and crawled back into bed, where I pretty much stayed until Sunday night, which was the 15th day of my illness. The next day I got up and dragged myself to work to attend a majorly important meeting. After the meeting I came home and went back to bed. The next day I tried again. I lasted two hours, then started vomiting and decided I'd better come back home. Wednesday I managed to make it through the morning, barely, although I don't think I actually accomplished much. I mostly sat at my computer with my head reeling, wondering if I should go home or not.

Thursday morning things finally shifted. I stood without dizziness for the first time in 19 days. My voice, although weak, was back, and I noticed a weird, strange feeling. After a few minutes of introspection, I realized what it was-- I actually felt kind of good. My body didn't ache; my throat wasn't sore, and my head was actually sort of clear. Although weak and somewhat wobbly, I was able to get through the final days of the work week without coming home early.

At first when people asked me what was wrong and I replied that I had the flu, I would get kind of an incredulous, "Oh, just the flu?" sort of response. However, I have started hearing of other people who, like me, missed the 48 hour threshold and ended up being knocked out of commission for two weeks or more by the flu.

In our society we are used to the miracles of modern medicine. Got the flu? Get a shot and get cured. Got pneumonia? Take antibiotics and get cured. Got gallstones? Have band-aid surgery and get cured.

We forget that the flu used to kill millions of people, that it used to be considered a very serious disease. I won't say I was ever afraid for my life during my three week battle, but I was concerned that I would develop a secondary infection of some type that would lengthen the duration of my illness.

We take a lot of things for granted in our world today, and I am certainly not going to make a resolution to stop doing so. I LIKE the knowledge that… (This is where I interrupted myself and got back to the topic of NEW BEGINNINGS).

What about Janus?

2008-01-22T06:30:00.000-08:00

Janus is the strange two-faced god of the Roman pre-Christian pagan religion for whom the month of January is named. He's an interesting god, for one thing because of his two faces. He looks both forward and backward simultaneously. He's also the god of doors, looking both inward and outward at the same time. Interestingly, he's a god that doesn't have a match in the Greek pantheon--the Romans came up with him on their own.

As we enter a new year, I think Janus has both advice and warnings for us. It's tempting to put all of our focus in one direction. Many of us want to put 2007 behind us and look for the future. Others seem stuck in the past and can't even give 2008 a side glance. Now, I'm not suggesting that we can really grow a second face on the backs of our head, but metaphorically there's something to be said for the attempt.

Every year, I make New Years resolutions--all of the things I'll do better this year. But I'm a forward-looker. One thing I have to force myself to do is actually look at last year's list. Why? Because I'm afraid I'll see the same things listed. It isn't really dwelling on our failures to learn from the past, though.

Well, Janus--I'm doing my best to balance the past and future. Now maybe you'll open some new doors for me.

Happy New Year, everyone. I hope 2008 will be wonderful for you and open new doors for all of us.

Rob Preece
Publisher, www.BooksForABuck.com
Affordable Electronic Fiction

Tradewinds Blog

2008-01-15T16:05:00.000-08:00

Since I started the post on New Beginnings, I'd like to add I am starting a brand new promotional beginning for my Young Adult novel, The Rock of Realm. All week my book is the Book of the Week on the Publishing Info blog at:

If you have a chance, stop by. Each day there will be a different aspect and theme on my book and I'll be available all week long to answer questions.

Lea Schizas

New Beginnings

2008-01-15T07:41:00.000-08:00

For my 25th wedding anniversary, my husband and I decided to do something we've always wanted to do--get tattoos.

He got a band around his arm and I got a colorful butterfly on my left side shoulder blade.

Why a butterfly? Because to me a butterfly means change...blooming from a cocoon to something different.

As I reflect in my life, I've changed a few careers: fulltime head bank teller, fulltime student in cosmetology, hairdresser, fulltime business owner of a salon and now my last career- fulltime writer/editor.

So although I may not actually fly like a butterfly I do soar in what I try to achieve in my life. I always look toward the future and try to aim for my goal in life.

So for 2008, my goals to achieve are:

to finish the second novel in my Rock of Realm series
to finish two children's picture books
to finish my middle grade chapter book.

Stay tuned for updates on these goals

Lea Schizas

Confessions of a non-shopper

2008-01-06T10:00:00.000-08:00

My name is Karina Fabian, and I don't like to shop.

There. I've said it. It's out in the open for all to see: I am an affluent woman who thinks spending hours in the Mall looking for that perfect sweater is second only to the experience of sitting in the waiting room, anticipating root canal. Or trying to work with Microsoft Office 2007--but nothing can really compare to that torture.

It's not that I have anything against getting new stuff, but I already have so much old stuff that adding to the menagerie feels...oppressive, somehow. It's even more true since we're in the military and need to pack, ship, unpack and put away the entire house every one to five years. Stuff means hassle. In fact, in our house, we go through a quarterly "culling." We get rid of one item in four or five. This mostly applies to clothes, books and toys, but somehow, we never run out!

My mode of shopping is this: wait until I need something. If it's technical, get Rob to research it on the Internet. Wemble for a couple of weeks about whether I really need it. Go to the store and buy it. Occasionally, I'll wander about the store, out of some misplaced feeling of guilt or obligation, I suppose, but otherwise, it's in
and out.

When I was in the Air Force and stationed in Japan, I had the chance to go to Korea for a conference with another (male) officer. Naturally, we were told we HAD to take an evening to shop the markets. Markets are a lot more fun than Malls, yet I could go into a stall, gaze about, decide it didn't interest me, and move on. My friend announced that he thought all women should shop like me.

There are two exceptions to my usual shopping style: when I need an outfit and when I'm shopping with the kids. I'm a very picky shopper about clothes and for some reason, my body seems to defy normal sizing--outfits are too revealing or too short, too tight in the wrong places or just look odd on me. So I can grab a dozen things off the rack and reject them all in the dressing room. Fortunately, my tastes are timeless, so most of my clothes are stylish even a decade later. Now if my body had just remained the same size as a decade ago...

My new size has nothing to do with kids--I got to 120 after my fourth was born, then put on 35 pounds after he turned two--but they have changed my shopping. Kids have needs and wants and in our house, money, so many times, we'd be on a shopping spree so they could spend allowance or gift money. I know they enjoy it, but two minutes in the toy aisle, I'm ready to bolt. They see the newest Pokemon Chibibananarokian playing figurine; I see a $10 piece of plastic that will be in two pieces, each in separate parts of the house, within a week.

I'm a very blessed woman. I don't lack for stuff, and I don't have the desire for more stuff. The only time this ever seems to be a problem is during the holidays, when my husband and family are tortured to find the perfect gift for the woman who doesn't want things.

I keep hoping they'll pool their funds and get me a PR firm. Or how about a housekeeper? That'd be nice.

Someone to keep track of the stuff we do have.

Karina Fabian writes fantasy and science fiction that seldom have anything to do with shopping. Check out her stuff at www.fabianspace.com.

A Blueprint for Life

2007-12-16T19:18:00.000-08:00

I don't generally make New Year's Resolutions because I very seldom keep them. However, I use this time of year to evaluate where I am in my life, where I want to be and what I need to do to get from one point to the other. I look at several areas-- physical fitness, financial, family, career, writing, and values.

This year as I look at my physical fitness I see that I am making strides toward increasing my fitness. In October I set a goal for myself of adding one fitness action each week-- for instance, eat one fruit item daily, work out 3 times a week, cut back on sweets and sugar. The only one that I have been able to keep consistently is working out 3 times per week-- I've joined Curves, signed up for their computerized individualized Curves Smart program and go and subject myself to the torture chamber three times a week. The only week I missed was Thanksgiving week, but I planned that in advance as a skip week. I was really proud of myself for going back to Curves the Monday after Thanksgiving.

I don't do quite as good at adding an additional item every week-- I've tried to add things such as walk up the stairs at work once a day or add a vegetable serving but I haven't been able to sustain that.

Now switching to financial issues-- my finances are a mess. In the last two and a half years I've been unemployed, started my own business, had a daughter get married, dealt with medical expenses and had to purchase two new cars. My credit is in the toilet, and I barely am able to meet my expenses. It's an area that needs a lot of work, and I need to force myself to make it a priority. Unfortunately, since it is such a big mess, I just don't want to deal with it so I mostly ignore financial issues. That is not good so I am evaluating some ways to improve my financial situation and trying to come up with a plan.

As I look at family issues, my priorities in those areas have really changed over the years. My family has always been my top priority, but as the years have passed, we've found different ways of meeting their needs. As the girls have gown into adulthood, they no longer needed Mom to be available quite as much as when they were younger, so I was able to start focusing more on my career and my education. However, now that the girls have left home, my husband and I are rediscovering each other. That's an area where I want to focus more attention-- on enjoying life with the man I love.

As far as my career goes, I'm in a real quandary right now. I have a day job as an HR Manager in the public sector, and want to continue to advance in that field. However I get more satisfaction and joy out of my night and weekend job of being a publisher. I really LOVE being the publisher of Swimming Kangaroo and wish I made enough money at it to quit the day job. But there is still an ambitious part of me that wants to be a major decision maker in an organization. Perhaps being the Publisher/Owner/CEO of Swimming Kangaroo will satisfy that need if we get big enough. Perhaps not. I just don't know for sure.

So what I'm trying to do is sort out the factors that I want in a job, the things I like to do and the things I am good at and combine them all into my perfect job. This requires a lot of introspection and a lot of just plain hard thinking. Once I figure out what I want to be when I grow up, I have to figure out how to achieve that. I need to be more active in networking organizations-- but first I need to figure out which organizations will help me get what I need.

Then there is my writing, which I've been trying to pick up again after taking several years off to focus on family/education/career. I have lots of ideas for books and stories I'd like to tell, but time is an issue. And I'm actually finding that I derive more satisfaction from publishing than I do from writing. So I have a major conflict that I am still trying to decide how to resolve.

Now the Values area is a broad area that includes such things as public service, volunteer service, personal growth and self improvement. I try to think before I talk, try to be nice to everyone. I don't really have time to volunteer, and I'm not much of a joiner but I feel like I would like to serve on an advisory board or commission. I want to make a contribution to the world and I have to figure out how best to do so in the limited time and resources I have available. I also have to decide where to focus my efforts because there are so many areas of need. I have to decide which areas speak to me-- and increasingly the areas I am focusing on are animal issues and church/state issues.

So my blueprint for the upcoming is to continue to work on my fitness goals, to get my finances in order and to decide what I want to be when I grow up. I'll check in with you next year and let you know where I stand on each area.

Holiday Blues

2007-12-11T17:14:00.000-08:00

The holiday season isn't necessarily a happy one for many people. I know, I am one of them. There are many reasons. The shorter days are often overcast and gray rather than sunny. Snowy or ice-covered sidewalks and roads make it difficult to get around, plus having to don all that extra gear... besides it’s cold. Other reasons include Christmas is coming and I can’t give all the things I would love to gift my favorite people, there are those who are gone from my life whom I miss, and it is all too stressful. Many people have more compelling reasons for depression, such as loneliness, isolation, failing health, and family or financial problems.

While mine is a mild case of the blues, others are more severely afflicted. If your depression affects your daily life and work, please get professional help. Even if only mild like mine, you might want to seek help.

There are also things you can do to help yourself and others in your family get through the holidays. Seasonal Affective Disorder, or depression caused by seasonal changes in day length, can be helped by mild exercise and getting outside even for a few minutes every day. There are full spectrum lamps that can provide relief. If your problem is with family members who upset you, don’t feel guilty about keeping face-to-face occasions limited. Be with people you like and who like you for the holidays. Don’t over plan entertainment and family get-togethers. Before shopping, have a sensible spending limit set for holiday gifts. Lastly, don't try to achieve the ‘perfect’ holiday, keep your expectations within realistic anticipation.

So, what you do to make your holiday more enjoyable? I'm always looking for better ways to survive the season.

Rhobin

Making and Keeping New Year's Resolutions

2007-12-06T08:54:00.000-08:00

*****This article ppeared in Fredericksburg Parent, Jan 2005.*****

Tips for Making—and Keeping—New Year’s Resolutions
by Karina L. Fabian

New Year’s resolution-making is a tradition over four thousand years old. The ancient Babylonians made resolutions as part of their New Year’s celebrations, according to Charles Panati, author of Extraordinary Origins of Everyday Things. The favorite resolutions of this ancient people were to get out of debt and to return all tools and household utensils they had borrowed the year before. (Remember that rake I borrowed…?)

Getting out of debt aside, modern New Year’s resolutions seem to have gotten more complex. We want to lose weight, have a calmer family life, find new success in our careers, write a best seller--or all of the above. Is it any wonder so many resolutions flag after a month?

The bad news is that many of us make and break goals, in the form of New Year’s resolutions and otherwise, throughout our lives. The good news is that the problem often lies in the resolution itself. It may be unrealistic, unclear or somehow at odds with another life goal we’ve set for ourselves.

If you’re willing to try a resolution or two, consider these tips:

• Set attainable goals. Goals must reflect your abilities and resources, not someone else’s idea of what you “should” do. That woman in the magazine might lose 50 pounds in 3 months, but unless you have the time and will (personal trainers, organic garden, etc.) she had, perhaps losing 15 pounds in 4 months and keeping it off all year would be more realistic. When you determine your resolution, examine your life: what changes will you need to make to meet this goal? Are you willing to make those changes? If not, find a new goal.
• Set clear, measurable goals. A nebulous goal like “play more with the kids” is easy to set aside. “Spend one afternoon a week just playing with the kids” is something you can schedule, plan for—and meet. State your goal in terms of time, deadlines, measurements, or other concrete details.
• Expect setbacks. No one learns to run or read or balance a checkbook perfectly the first time, yet we continue trying until we have some mastery. The same goes for resolutions; remember that two steps forward and one back is still progress.
• Examine failure. If you constantly break your resolution, particularly if you’ve made and broken the same one over years, examine what’s keeping you from your goal. Does some other goal conflict with it, such as spending more time with your family conflict with your goal of becoming sales manager of the year? Is the goal contrary to your purpose in life—you find you can’t make yourself clean house every day because you’d rather make Play Dough sculptures with your child? If you find a conflict, re-set your goals to something more realistic, or, if the goal is more important than what it conflicts with, make some changes.
Sometimes, we have a subconscious reason for breaking our resolutions. Psychologists and communicators Richard Bandler and John Grinder assert that every aspect of our personality, even our bad habits, exists for some positive purpose. For example, a married woman may subconsciously believe that if she works out, she’ll draw the attention of other men--and attract the jealousy of her husband. Subconsciously, then, she believes that by staying out of shape, she is preventing conflict in her marriage. In such cases, the person needs to find some other way to meet that subconscious goal—in this example, if jealousy is an issue, they may need to resolve with marriage counseling, or she may convince him to join her in a her work-out program, so that they build their relationship along with their muscles.
• Get help. Resolutions are easier to keep when someone else helps you keep them. Instead of vowing to work out at home, make a deal with a friend to walk on certain days, or get a personal trainer at the Y. If you’re writing that best-seller, recruit a friend, co-worker, someone involved in the topic to read it—and deliver them a certain number of pages each week. Then you have a promise to an outside party to motivate you, as well as a person to get you moving again if you stall.

If you’re not a person for resolutions, don’t worry; you’re in good company--though giving back that rake wouldn’t be such a bad idea.

My November writing

2007-12-02T13:00:00.000-08:00

This year, I decided to opt out of NaNoWriMo and instead join my Guild's 30K for Christ project. 30K is more open-ended, so I could work on my last book in the Miscria Trilogy: Savior Psychic. it's been on my back burner for a year at least, and I'd felt both guilty and stubborn about it. After all, Miscria I: Asylum Psychic still hadn't sold; why bother? (Yes, the answer is "Bother because the story is in you," but some days, that's hard to remember, isn't it?)

At any rate, I didn't make the 30K goal, but I do think I won in a lot of ways:

Above all: I prayed about my writing more.

1. Once I made myself write, my characters led me out of a lot of plot problems I was having when I was just imagining things. It always amazes me how getting it on paper can make the problems seem easier to solve.

2. I pushed through some of my self-doubt demons. They will return again, I know. For now, however, I've conquered them, and each time I do that, they get weaker.

3. I dedicated some of my writing time to re-crafting my agent letter. It's much stronger thanks to some wonderful critiques, so I'll be ready to send it on in December.

4. And, hey--I'm 21K farther than I was on Nov 1!

That's really the goal of a writing month like this: to push past blocks, to face our fears and to learn that yes, we can do this. We've only to set our minds to our craft.

I'll have to slow down again, as I need to catch up on stuff I let slide, but I intend to keep forging ahead. I hope all who participated in write-ons like this continue to do so as well

So, to everyone who did NaNoWriMo or 30K for Christ, I salute you. We're all winners, regardless of how many words we wrote. Congratulations to all who participated!

Blessings,
Karina Fabian

NaNoWriMo

2007-11-26T21:09:00.000-08:00

I must confess, I haven't the foggiest idea what NaNoWriMo means. I put off writing this blog because I was hoping one of my blogging colleagueswould enlighten me, but it looks as though I am out of luck.

Okay, so I'll approach this the way I tell my kids to approach new words when they are reading. Break it down. "NaNo." Hmm. Maybe I'm supposed to write about Mork from Ork. I never actually saw the show, but I did see the one where he appeared on Happy Days, or was it Laverne and Shirley?

No help there. I'll keep going. "Wri." that's probably something to do with writing. Mork from Ork writes? Writing about Mork from Ork? Hmmm. That has possibilities I guess.

"Mo." More? Month? Missouri? Mork from Ork writes about Missouri? What would Mork write about Missouri? It's the Show Me state, and Mork probably has lots of things to show us earthlings about how to live. And it has a pro football team. It used to be the Cardinals, but they went to Phoenix. Now it's the Rams, which used to be in Anaheim and before that were in Los Angeles, which is referred to as LA. Hey! I could add another syllable to this month's topic, making it NaNoWriMoLA!

I'm not Robin Williams and I'm lousy at stream of consciousness ad lib. I think I've about taken this topic, whatever it is, as far as it can go. So from Texas, which is not LaLa Land, Nano Nano! and good night!

Ginger, Enspiren Press, and all things nice!

2007-11-23T04:40:00.000-08:00

Recently had the pleasure of cyber meeting a few new writers and editors over at Enspiren Press. One such writer who keeps me smiling and giggling is Ginger. To get a taste of her humor click on her icon to the left and visit her blog.

Ginger goes into the frenzied holiday season of gift-giving, that time of year where you need to have common sense, a wad of bills in your wallet, a list what to buy or else you'll end up with crap just because it was on special, an arm like Superman to push your way from the crowd...ahhh, don't ya' love it?

But for us writers it also means a turning point- a new year about to begin where we have another chance to begin anew with fresh resolutions to make. Well, I don't make resolutions anymore. Figure if I don't make one I don't set myself up for a boo-hoo episode. I tell myself the same thing once New Year's chimes in: I'll do the best that I can. I figure this covers it all and allows me to 'do the best that I can' in everything.

Now, I mention Enspiren Press and all things nice. The publisher, editors, and authors I've met so far are the 'all things nice'. It encourages me to find a whole group of writers and editors who are as giving, helpful, and gifted with a sense of humor like me. And this, for those who have heard my 'sob' story and know me, is such a delight compared to the ignoramus writers group I had joined when I first started out. Hogging and never sharing...ANYTHING!. Crits were basically what I deplore, "You suck!" Geez, thanks, now care to share what part sucks so I can hone it?

But what has this to do with Ginger, Enspiren Press, and all things nice? Tons. It's the season of giving and to be involved with a group that keeps your motivation and spirits high for a writer only intensifies the writing muse in you.

So to these newfound friends I say "Hello and Thank You!"

Lea Schizas
http://leaschizaseditor.com

NaNoWriMo and Inner Demons

2007-11-23T04:19:00.000-08:00

This year, I have too many half-done projects to start a new one, so I'm using the month (and the Catholic Writer's Guild challenge, 30K for Christ) to work on The Miscria: Hero Psychic. This is the third book in the as-yet-unpublished Miscria Trilogy. I've had the story in my head for two years now, but couldnt' make myself write it down. Even now, I've got mixed feelings about it.

On the one hand, I'm at 15,000 words and the story line is starting to take shape. I have a very general outline of events, but this always changes in writing.

However, it's not been a comfortable experience for me. You see, I've been trying for seven years now to sell this trilogy to a publisher or agent. So far, the best replies have been rejections. About half of the folks (and these are reliable agents I've checked out) haven't even bothered to reply to the original message or follow-up. So even as I feel driven to finish the trilogy, I'm also confronted by my personal demons: inadequacy and low self-esteem. Am I just kidding myself, wasting time and losing money on a hobby I pretend is a career? Other authors, some of whom I frankly think I'm better than, are well published in big publishing houses. So what am I missing--and why can't I seem to find it when I let the house go to waste and feed my kids too much pizza and burgers while I pursue it?

This is why I'd put off finishing this manuscript for so long, and now that I've dedicated my month to getting 30K words into it, I find myself battling these thoughts on a daily basis. Do I need a contract from Tor or do I need to give up, accept that I'm a fairly talented, but mid-range author, and settle for never seeing my books lining the bookshelves next to Mercedes Lackey's latest?

Second, there's the problem I mentioned above--no matter how carefully I imagine my stories or how detailed my outline, the characters change it when I actually start to write. Deryl has completely thrown my plans out the window--he's grown up in the months I left him festering, and he understands his place on Kanaan better than I imagined. Of course, that means I needed to revise the conflict--and I needed a new reason to send him back to Earth. Of course, no sooner had he solved that than I realized my Joshua-Sachiko subplot won't work: it takes too long and doesn't really add to the story. But it's fun, and it's the one I've been imagining for two years, so now I'm back to square one with them.

I'm 8,000 words behind, but I couldn't stand the house any longer, adn cleaned it just in time for thanskgiving weekend, which will mess it up again. The holiday season is coming--and for a squadron commander's wife, that means extra (though fun) obligations. I have a list of things to do and people to contact for CWG and the conference. I'm beginning to daydream about being able to split into four people. Such is the life of a stay-at-home writer/Mom. Frankly, it's probably about the same for anyone for whom writing is not a full-time breadwinning career. Still, despite the demands, the disappointments, and the inner demons, I wouldn't give up this life for the world.

I'd still like a juicy contract from Tor, though. Say a prayer, please.

Holidays that disappoint

2007-10-26T08:54:00.000-07:00

Doesn't it seem that so many holidays disappoint. Christmas always leaves with a let-down. Birthdays are, all of a sudden, something to dread rather than something to look forward to (I had a fellow student in my fencing class ask me, the other day, why I was still alive as old as I am. I'm not THAT old.) Fourth of July's fireworks never seem quite as beautiful as they ones from when we were kids (although I'm sure they really are). But Halloween is always there and it's one holiday where you can make it exactly what you want.

I live in a diverse neighborhood just a couple of miles from downtown Dallas. For us, Halloween means kids in costumes. Some of the costumes are pretty bad, some are wonderful. Some of the kids are taller than me, but some are so small their parents have to carry them from house to house. For some, 'trick or treat' is about the extent of their English. But all of them bring smiles and a sense of togetherness.

In my books, magic is real but often dangerous. My 'return of magic plague' universe, for example, has the return of vampires, werewolves, trolls and others accompanied by a ramp-up in prejudice and discrimination. But the magic of Halloween is a happier, lighter magic. It's the magic of dressup, of play, and most of all, of smiling children.

I hope it's a happy day for all of you.

Rob Preece
Publisher, www.BooksForABuck.com

The magic of Halloween

2007-10-26T08:32:00.000-07:00

I know many don't celebrate Halloween for one reason or the other.

I love Halloween, not for what it symbolizes but for the simple reason it is the one day of the year where I can be a kid once again...dress up and become a zombie, decorate my home along with my children and have fun...see the kids faces when I drop those goodie bags in their Halloween sack.

I spend about two hours, spraying and teasing my long hair to stand upright...about three cans of spray later my hair is as stiff as can be. And yes, when it's time to wash that sucker I do regret it. But I wouldn't do anything different because I am having such a blast and this is what Halloween means to me.

Fun...FUn...FUN!

There is a scarier side to Halloween with all the nutcases out there and I make sure to visit the homes of neighbours I've known for a long time. Many of my friends host Halloween parties to make sure the kids have fun in a safe environment. There are communities now who have their own 'block parties' and invite the children and parents to visit and join in the fun.

What about your side of the world? How does your neck of the world celebrate Halloween?

Lea Schizas
PS Our upcoming monthly discussions are:

November: NaNoWriMo

DECEMBER: Time for those New Year’s Resolutions –

JANUARY: Sidewalk Sales: are you a habitual ‘sales’ buyer?

Let the Erasers Fly

2007-09-30T12:24:00.001-07:00

I sm going to fly in the face of conventional wisdom and urge parents to take it easy and NOT get so involved in their kids' schoolwork. Before you start throwing erasers at me, let me explain.

I come to this position from years spent as a stay-at-home mom, working mom and kindergarten teacher, as well as just a plain old busy-body. I stayed at home with my kids for several years because I just plain wanted to. I enjoyed spending the time with the girls and look back fondly on those days. Every afternoon I would grab my two daughters, and we would do art projects together, or go to a museum or park or play a game or go for a long walk in the woods, usually overturning a stone or two to examine the teeming life underneath. It was our together time, our fun time. Of course, the activities we did had ulterior purposes- there was nearly always a learning component involved, but the main thing was the activities were fun. My older daughter still remembers the time we crowded into a dark closet and shone a flashlight on a glass of milk to show why the sky is blue. They remember the art projects and the games, but mostly they remember the fun.

When my older daughter started kindergarten, we continued our activities once she got home from school each day. However, we now had something else to contend with-- homwork! I was amazed that she had homework in kindergarten, but I would dutifully sit down and work on it with her every day. Of necessity it demanded a parent's assistance so if I did NOT help, I would be branded as a BAD MOM.

Well that was fine because I was home all the time so it wasn't an undue burden. However, by the time my younger daughter started First Grade, I was working part time, and my time was more limited. This was the year I became introduced to a new concept, that of the DAILY HOMEWORK FOLDER. Every day the girls would bring home a folder with their homework assignments. It was my job to go through the folder with them, help them with their assignments and then sign the folder each day to indicate that I was aware of what was going on in the classroom.

I balked at this. I had finished school a long time ago. The girls' homework was not my responsibility, other than seeing that they did it and providing help if necessary. I didn't need to read the same assignments they did, look through the worksheets or do a science project or social studies project. By the time I got home from work, prepared dinner for the family, did some housework, fed and walked the dogs, folded laundry, threw another load in the washer and prepared my own lesson plans for the next day, the LAST thing I had time to do was complete the DAILY HOMEWORK FOLDER.

So I taught the girls how to forge my signature. "Homework," I told them. "Is your responsibility. If you don't do it, you are toast. If you need help, I'm here for you. End of lecture."

Somehow both girls made it through the entire year completing their homework on their own without my ever looking at the DAILY HOMEWORK FOLDER. They were both A students. None of us ever told the teachers that I was a delinquent Mom.

Each year it seemed that the schools tried more and more ways to force parents to be involved in the classroom. Open houses, field trips, being a room mother during class parties and science fair projects were accepted and welcomed. Going up to school to photocopy worksheets for the teachers was not. (My suggested solution that the teachers not use worksheets was greeted with horror.) Looking over the girls' report cards and discussing their progress was welcomed. Going up to school during the work day to pick up the report card and sign for it was not because it meant that SOMEONE, usually me, had to take off work early.

I disliked assignments in which the entire family had to participate-- I resented being told by the school that I HAD to do something in my oh so miniscule spare time. In an era where being involved in your child's school is not just expected but demanded, I was a rebel. I can remember going up to the elementary school one day to work as "Santa's Helper" in "Santa's Secret Store." There was a group of moms there who routinely spent their entire days at the school. They photocopied, read to students, supervised the lunchroom, helped kids with art projects, and performed all kinds of duties for the school. One of the moms stood by the photocopier for the entire three hours I worked my shift. During that time she did nothing but photocopy and scold her preschool-aged child who spent most of the time strapped into a stroller. I remembered back when I was growing up that there was a woman my family made fun of because she was always in her car, driving her kids from one activity to another. She had a late-in-life baby and we laughed because we said the poor kid had never been outside of the car. I looked at this preschooler in the copy room and remembered back to the car baby of my younger days, and I thought, wouldn't these kids be better off at home, playing?

Parents are under a tremendous amount of pressure to be involved with their kids' education. I agree that it is important for parents to be involved with their kids, but I disagree that parents have to be involved in the classroom. If Mom and Dad spend hours of time hiking with the kids or playing sports or engaging in some other family activity, isn't that just as useful as spending hours sitting at a homework table together? If parents ensure that their kids are able to take responsibility for their own actions, doesn't that satisfy the need of the school to have kids who are well behaved and engaged in learning? If parents foster discussions around the dinner table about science or current events or history, doesn't that help the kids to learn?

There was a side effect of these mothers being so heavily involved in volunteering at the school-- their children were practically immune from being disciplined, and in many cases, their children were holy terrors- largely because they knew that they were safe because Mom was powerful in the PTA or Mom was buddies with the principal because of all her volunteer work. In several cases the teachers even told me that they dare not do anything to those kids when they misbehaved because they would get counseled by the principals.

Throughout the girls' school years I continued my rebellion. Nevertheless the girls always completed their homework, were exceptional students and were very well behaved. They enjoyed learning and still do, and for the most part enjoyed school. By forcing them to be responsible for their own homework when they were in elementary school, they picked up a sense of responsibility that serves them well to this day.

Back To School

2007-09-17T06:36:00.000-07:00

Now...I'm wondering how many parents are smiling as their children wave goodbye and head to school. I know I used to be one of those parents but not anymore. Let me explain.

During the summer, there are no worries about being late for school. No worries about what to pack for lunch. No worries about homework being done.

Come September, all these worries resurface. Whether you are a working parent or not, back to school means back to school for you, too.

I remember growing up where my mom, being Greek and not speaking any English, never helped me with my homework. I managed. With my children? Although I speak Greek, English, and French, some of these assignments all read like hieroglyphics to me. My oldest child will be 29 this October, and our school system, while all five of my kids were in school, had changed at least 7 times that I can distinctly remember...and I remember because it affected them in some way.

One year they introduce a French immersion program to begin at Grade Four. I always believed this was silly because a young child entering Kindergarten is like a sponge and will absorb more of a new language than a child who is around 9 years old. Well, wouldn't you know it...a few years later they changed it.

One year they decided to forego correcting children in their spelling until they entered Grade Three. Once again, I felt the school board was making a mistake. One year later, this new introductory system was changed.

There were at least three different math programs introduced and then scrapped a year later.

Now, you tell me if these new introductions don't affect a child's education in some way. I understand the need to grow and expand and try new things but you would think they would survey the parent committees for input. Anyway...

I praise teachers nowadays for they have a lot to deal with: funding is almost nonexistent, kids at a younger age seem to be having more and more stress, and many of the extra stuff comes out of their own pockets in order to try and offer their classrooms decent educational material.

So, does Back To School sound as yippee as you first thought?

Lea Schizas

For Cat Lovers

2007-08-30T17:07:00.000-07:00

From readers comments we get to meet other blogs and Roger B. left us a nice note about Branches of Life, which prompted me to check out his blog, http://pictures-of-cats-lovers.blogspot.com/

What a great blog, full of interesting articles for those who love cats. And tons of cute pictures of a variety of cats, as well.

Check it out and make sure to tell Roger that Branches of Life sent you.

Lea Schizas

Welcoming a New Pet to the Zoo

2007-08-27T18:44:00.000-07:00

I am in love. No, that is too weak a word for it. I am besotted. I have a new man in my life-- or at least a new male, and like most great loves, I happened upon him when I wasn't looking.

You see, it all started with a cat. We were quite happy with our five cats, Chibi, Sir Robin, Toko, Gollum and Quinn, but evidently someone else decided we weren't happy enough. One morning while getting ready for my day job, I heard a ruckus from the kitchen. I walked out and found all five of our cats perched by the patio window, hackles raised, growling and hissing. Now I'm pretty good at understanding cat language so I figured there must be something out on the patio that had their hackles raised. (See, I told you I was good!) I looked out and saw another cat, a white and brown mix who was sitting pretty as you please by the pool. He looked in at our cats and then approached the patio.

Our cats went crazy.

"YOW-LLLLLL!"

"SP-TTTTTTTT!"

The strange cat was not impressed. He ambled up onto the patio and proceeded to sit right in front of our cats.

They screeched.

He rolled over and started licking his private parts.

Our cats piled all over each other trying to get to him.

Bill and I watched the show until it was time to go to work. When we came home, the cat was gone, but he came back a few days later. And then again. And again. He started hanging around the back door and howling. We went out and petted him a few times. He was very sweet... and he wanted to come inside.

We started putting food out for him and named him George Caruso-- Caruso because he howled so loudly and George because that is what one of our first cats was supposed to be named except he told me his name was Charlie. Then one night it rained really hard and being the soft touch (sap) that I am, I brought George Caruso into my home office with me. I told him that once I took him to the vet and had him checked over, I'd let him out with the other cats. In the meantime, George relished in his new role. He was very affectionate and loved to sit on my lap and purr.

The first Saturday I could, I took him to the vet. They were VERY happy to see me. I figured the vet must be in the market for a new pick up truck. Actually I do him an injustice-- we have the best vet in the world, and his prices are VERY reasonable. It's just when one has as many animals as we do, there's no such thing as a cheap vet visit.

I told the doctor that I had a new cat I wanted him to look at. The vet had other ideas however. "Why Dindy, I see you don't have any dogs since you had Goldie put to sleep in January."

Well, he had me there. "That's right."

"Would you like a dog?"

"No." I said firmly. Bill and I don't have the time or the energy for a dog.

"Well, we found this pup a few weeks ago and he'd be just perfect for you."

I made a major mistake. I looked and found myself staring at the face of the cutest pup I've ever seen. He was a shar-pei, about 14 weeks old and was absolutely adorable. Before I could say "no!" he was sitting next to me and George Caruso in the car going to his new home.

It's been 4 weeks, and I've not regretted it. Wrinkles is the funniest, sweetest, most loving, most adorable dog I have ever known. All he wants is to be with Bill and me every single second of the day. If he can lick us and play tug of war and jump up on us, that's even better, but if not, he'll settle for being at our side.

Now this blog is supposed to be about introducing a younger animal into a household with older animals, which is actually something we have a great deal of experience with as I am the Mother Theresa of stray animals. At least once a year we bring a new pet into the home. Sometimes that pet integrates successfully, sometimes not.

Right now we have six cats. Nobody blinks too much when we bring another cat into the household because once you've got three cats, you don't really notice any more. (My husband, who scoops the litterbox, begs to differ with me.) We've only once had a problem with bringing a new cat into the house and that was when Ollie came to live with us. He was a young cat and we only had one other cat at the time, a very old cat named Charlie (yes, the one who was supposed to be named George). Ollie was very aggressive, and that caused problems because he would not leave Charlie alone. He constantly attacked poor Charlie, and it wasn't in play. We eventually had to send Ollie to live with our older daughter because Charlie was getting too stressed out.

Generally if you are bringing a new cat into the house with older cats, I would advise bringing in a kitten. All of the times we have done this, we have found that the older cats are very protective of the kitten. The kitten grows up looking at the older cat as a parent, and the older cat doesn't get all territorial with a kitten.

But what if you are bringing a new puppy into the house with an older dog? Quite frankly, it may or may not work. When our lab/chow mix, Atherton, adopted us, he was about 12 weeks old. Our first dog, JoJo, a border collie mix, was several years old, and he HATED the new puppy. JoJo hated all other dogs except for our cocker spaniel, Goldie, who adopted us a couple of years after Athie did. Everyone liked Goldie. It was impossible not to as she was the cutest, most adorable dog in the world.

But JoJo despised all other dogs, and especially that young whippersnapper, Atherton. Athie didn't understand- he adored JoJo. So Athie would follow Jojo everywhere, and Jojo would try to kill Athie.

We never were able to get JoJo to accept Athie, but we couldn't bear to give Athie up either. So we developed a rather awkward system wherein they each had their own room, and we would take turns letting them out in the house. It wasn't ideal, but we lived that way for the ten years that Athie was with us. It was very sad when he died, but I will admit that it was also a bit of a relief not to have to check to make sure Athie's door was closed every time we let JoJo out.

Every animal is different and each time we've brought a new animal in the house, everyone has had to make some adjustments. However, if one animal is fun, a houseful of animals is a never ending source of entertainment. So if you are thinking about getting another cat, get a kitten. If you are thinking of getting another dog and your current dog LIKES other dogs, go for it. It'll be more fun to watch than anything on TV!

How about a new cat

2007-08-01T18:11:00.000-07:00

Several years ago our cat, George, went into a serious decline. He was older (17) and he stopped caring for himself getting all greasy and matted. A young cat appeared outside our door and, after ignoring her for as long as we could, we let Chloe into our homes (and life).

The two didn't get along at first--and never became close friends. But George must have found something to like about having a hot young female around. He started taking care of himself, started eating again, and became more active than he'd been in a year or more.

George isn't with us any more but I believe Chloe gave him two good years of life.

If you're interested, you can see pictures of (Angel) George on Kara's website:
www.karalennox.com. Click fun-stuff and then pets. You can also see pictures of Chloe and of Da Vinci (the bird).

Rob Preece
Publisher, www.BooksForaBuck.com

Adding a Young Pup to a family with a Senior Dog

2007-08-01T17:31:00.000-07:00

Welcome to August's topic: ADDING A YOUNG PUP TO A FAMILY WITH A SENIOR DOG.

Although I haven't been in this situation, recently neighbours of mine added two new minature collies to the family with a senior dog. I asked them why and their explanation was:

Colt, the senior dog, was sick and the thought of him passing away hurt them both. Thinking ahead they figured that having another dog in the house when the time came to put Colt down would be easier on them. Colt survived for two more years and before they put him down, they bought another miniature collie. Again, the explanation was for the other puppy, having been used to having a dog companion, they figured this upcoming change with Colt missing in the family would help in some ways.

I know now that I regretted not having bought a dog after our family pet passed away almost fifteen years. And now that we have our little Daisy, I know that when the time comes years from now, I will prepare myself by bringing in a new one to focus on when she passes away.

How or what effect does this have on a senior dog? I wish I knew and looking forward to reading everyone's input on this.

Lea Schizas

Confessions of a Fat Lady

2007-07-30T18:45:00.000-07:00

Like others who have posted on this topic, I used to be skinny. I kept my weight between 110 and 125 pounds for many years. And I ate whatever I wanted. The sad thing is, I didn't think I was skinny. I would look down at my thighs and think, "Oh how gross! Thunder thighs!" I would look in the mirror and wish that I were as skinny as my reflection. I would watch other women and wish I were as lean as they were. I wasted all of my skinny years thinking I was overweight. I probably would have been anorexic, but I like to eat too much!

After my second daughter was born, at first I lost all my baby weight, but then, inexplicably started gaining weight. Because we didn't have much money, I went several years without seeing a doctor, until finally about twelve years ago I made an appointment- but not because of my weight. I went because after a blood test at my gynecologist's office my thyroid levels came back low. So I went to see my family doctor about my thyroid.

After a multitude of tests and discussion, we discovered that my thyroid gland was completely non-functional. The working theory is that when I was pregnant with my younger daughter, I caught some kind of virus that killed my thyroid gland. Everyone around me was strangely happy when I was diagnosed because they assumed that once I went on the thyroid medication, my weight would drop.

Sadly, it didn't work that way. My weight problems may have started because of a thyroid problem, but I exacerbated them by developing bad eating habits. See, the thing is, when I'm depressed, I eat. And I was depressed because I gained weight no matter what I did. I remember when the Rotation Diet came out. My husband and I went on the diet and followed it to the letter. In three weeks he had lost about 20 pounds. In three weeks I GAINED five pounds. So I adopted the philosophy of, if I'm going to gain weight anyway, I might as well enjoy myself. It was an excuse, and I know it. But there's a difference between knowing something rationally and being able to deal with it emotionally.

So even though I was on thyroid medication, I didn't lose weight because I wasn't changing my eating habits. I comforted myself with the thought that even though I was overweight, I was physically fit-- and I was. I walked regularly, lifted weights, did flexibility exercises, and maintained a hectic work schedule at a job that required me to be on my feet and dashing from one spot to another most of the day.

Then a few years ago I was diagnosed with chronic depression and panic attacks. At first the medication I was given made me nauseous, so that was kind of nice because I didn't feel like eating. But after a while my body adapted. One thing about anti-depressants, they cause one to gain weight.

About two years after I was diagnosed with depression, I found out that I have Type II Diabetes. For many people when they receive this diagnosis it acts as a wake up call. They go on the diabetic diet and lose lots of weight. I lost about 40 pounds when I was first diagnosed. I was still very overweight, but there was some progress.

Sadly in the last year and a half, I've gained back all the weight I lost. There are a lot of reasons-- I lost my job and was off work for more than a year- which caused my depression to get worse. My new job is largely a "sit at my desk" job so I am not as physically active as I used to be. And I have fallen back into some bad eating habits.

So that is where I am at right now. I am obese. When push comes to shove, I know that it is up to me to find the time to exercise and to improve my eating habits. I would love to come back in a year and announce to everyone that I have lost 100 pounds. Realistically, I hope I can once again lose the 40 pounds I lost when my diabetes was first diagnosed. And, realistically, I hope I can work on my physical fitness again.

So as far as advice on losing weight, I really don't have any. But I do have advice about accepting yourself. I wasted ten years of my life thinking I was overweight when I wasn't. If you are overweight, don't let it consume your life. You are so much more than your body. The more you obsess about your weight, the harder it will be for you to develop healthy eating habits. If you are, for whatever reason, unable to lose weight at this point in your life, find other ways to take care of yourself. Take a little walk every day, even if it's only for 5 minutes. Develop good grooming habits so you will look nice. Get a nice haircut. Wear comfortable shoes. Buy nice clothes that FIT (not clothes a size or two too small so you'll be able to wear them when you lose weight.) Smile. Smile a lot. Accept that you may never lose the weight, and move on. Life is too short to waste time worrying about your fat cells. The more time you spend worrying about them, the more likely you are to create more of the pesky little buggers.

Upcoming Topics

2007-07-21T06:44:00.001-07:00

Below you'll fnd out upcoming topics. Make sure to tell your friends to pass by and leave their own comments. Afterall, the Branches of Life applies to everyone.

August: adding a young dog to a family with a senior dog
September: back to school
October: the magic of Halloween: down memory lane
November: NaNoWriMo

Looking forward to everyone's participation.

This month we're still continuing with Losing Weight After the Age of Forty

Lea Schizas

I Hate Dieting, but...

2007-07-19T09:24:00.000-07:00

...my sister told me about this book: You on a Diet: The Owner's Manuel for Waist Management. She says it's not only a fun read, but she is learning so much about how our bodies interact with food and how to figure out how her body interacts with food. So, if you're tired of yo-yo diets and quick fixes and would like to learn how to work with your body and not against it, I highly recommend this book.

Perilously yours,
Pauline

Weighing in on diets and fads

2007-07-18T13:12:00.000-07:00

Just like everyone else, I've been battling the bulge in my over 20's years. I'd like to share something I've recently learned - there is no one diet for everyone - each person has a unique chemical make up and what works for one won't necessarily, work for another.

As a kid I was thin. So thin in fact, my uncle used to refer to me as a skeleton with skin. In my 20's I gained some muscle and fat, but I was never over weight. I was a figure skater, and a coach, which indeed helped keep the weight off. I'm also certain that my busy schedule, which in turn interrupted my eating pattern to the point where I'd forget to eat, played an important role.

Then I moved away, got married and had a child. I continued to skate, until my pregnant belly was too big and threw me off balance. After my daughter was born, I decided to take one last shot at a skating competition. However, I was over weight and out of shape. I had months of hard work ahead if I wanted to try. And so I did. I trained hard on the ice and watched me diet. I ate mostly veggies and proteins, and limited my starch intake. I lost 40 lbs. and was thinner than I had been in years. That was in 2000.

After that I went back to my evil eating ways. The weight poured on. Two years ago, I tried to get those stubborn pounds off again. But this time I had one big problem. I was diagnosed with Osteo arthritis in my knees and was told I couldn't skate any longer and doing so would add damage to my knees. My exercise would be limited. So instead I focused on eating and joined Weight Watchers. After three months, I hadn't lost but one pound. I was eating healthy in general ( I always do), but the program just didn't work for me.

I started working out at a gym, determined to shed the excess weight. I ate healthy and worked out three days a week. Again, nothing. My trainer said, "Be patient, it takes time." I already knew that, but after three months, I would have thought something should have happened. So, I changed my routine and hit the gym five days a week. The weight slowly peeled off, but not much, only 10 pounds. And now I had an even bigger issue - I was fit, very fit. The problem with that was I had to work even harder to get my pulse rate up to a working level to burn fat!

I'd given up. I couldn't figure out what the problem was. So, I've been sitting with excess baggage clinging to my body. Until recently. That was when it dawned on me. When I dropped all that weight in 2000, it wasn't the skating alone which did it. It was my diet.

I recently started a low Glycemic index diet. Which means, I eat a ton of veggies, proteins and limit my starches. This diet is recommended for people who have Diabetes or heart problems. While I have neither, it appears to be the correct diet for me. I've watched the scale as the numbers are slowly getting smaller. It will take time, but all proper diets do.

There are other diets which eliminate carbohydrates, but they are fads. Your body needs carbohydrates, just not the sugary, refined type. Rather, specific types to give your body proper nutrition. I suggest when you decide to diet you look carefully and select one that is balanced and teaches proper nutrition. What good is a diet if after you stop, you gain the weight back? Find a diet that you can live with - meaning something that you can stick with and continue even after you lose the weight.

Happy dieting!
Christina

Martial arts and weight

2007-07-11T08:54:00.000-07:00

Obesity is one of the biggest health factors facing America today. For the first time ever, life expectancy is actually falling--because obesity is causing death faster than medical science solves other causes of death. But there's so much temptation. We don't have to hunt for food, painstakingly gather seeds and nuts. Instead, there's all sorts of wonderful food at the neighborhood fast food restaurant or even in our cupboards. I've certainly learned I don't have the will power to leave sweet things in the house. If there's ice cream, for example, I eat it until it's gone.

While I'm not thin, I truly believe that exercise is essential to permanent weight loss. Diets can help you lose weight, but it'll come back on unless you change your lifestyle--and who wants to spend the rest of your life eating cabbage? I used to lift weights as exercise--it really is a perfect workout--except it's boring. After a while, I just couldn't face it any more. So, I looked around for an exercise program where:
1. I felt I could be learning something
2. I'd get support from other people (my home weight bench quickly became a laundry bench)
3. The skills I learn could help me if I needed them--and would assist me in my writing as well
4. Would have a definite set of hours--so I couldn't do the old 'I'll skip today and make up tomorrow' self-sabotage.

For me, studying the martial arts met these criteria. I write action stories, so the fighting aspects of the martial arts come in handy. I hope never to get into actual fights, but the skills I've learned will help protect me if I need them. There's always something to learn so it's never boring. And the exercise is intense--both from a cardio perspective and from a strength perspective.

There are a wide spectrum of martial arts to choose from. Anything from intense grappling (jujitsu/judo), to hard striking arts (karate/tae kwon do) to more calm but still valuable arts like t'ai chi (which is especially great for older people whose bones might not stand up to the intensity of the high-contact martial arts). Any of these give you a chance to make friends, learn a skill, have fun, and burn a whole lot of calories.

Rob Preece
Publisher, www.BooksForABuck.com

Heartfelt Comments

2007-07-11T08:10:00.000-07:00

There is nothing more motivational than to read other people's comments. To read the trials and tribulations they went through and what their impressions on maintaining and losing weight is truly a push in the right direction.

Although I bite my tongue whenever I hear the words I am about to say, "I don't have time to go to the gym.", I really don't have time, not at this point, at least. But I do exercise at home. I have a bike, weights, an elliptical machine (okay, my daughter's but I get exhausted watching her), and stairs to go UP and DOWN.

My biggest problem in how I gained my weight- used to be 140 pounds since high school and now 185- and this may be something many don't understand and perhaps my post may help them see the wrong they are doing to their bodies, is that I didn't eat. I could go with one piece of toast a day, that's it.

How wrong, as my husband pointed it out. What I succeeded in doing was placing my body in starvation mode since it wasn't taking in the right amount of calorie/vitamin and whatever else needed, a day and everything I did put in my body it kept it as fat storage.

What happens when people go on these yo-yo diets is they place their bodies awhack, out of its regular system and you need to bring it back. You need to watch what you eat, when you eat, how often you eat, the portions you eat, and then slowly you'll bring your body back to its right state and the 'starvation mode' should, more or less, be eliminated.

So an update: lost 1 pound since I last posted which isn't much but then again, I haven't been dieting but watching my food intake. I also joined Sparks, which one of the readers commented and offered the link in her posting. Don't have it on hand right now but if you go to my previous posting and check the comments, you'll note the link to Sparks, a FREE membership where you can get the help you need to begin a healthier lifestyle.

Lea Schizas

Losing Weight After 40?

2007-07-09T09:12:00.000-07:00

In a weight and age obsessed society weight gain as I aged felt like a double wammy. Being attractive in Western culture is almost a commandment. Even thought I’d been thin all my life, as my metabolism changed I found myself putting on a pound year, then two or three. Thank heaven, by 45 or so my vision changed and anything within two feet blurred or disappeared all together. Just give me a good pair of reading glasses. When I saw photos of me using those glasses, I saw I looked far different from what I felt. My first reaction was shrieking, “Where the hell did all those wrinkles come from?” Putting on makeup became impossible without a 7x mirror and finding something fashionable to wear, impossible. Then one day I realized, “OMG, I’m wearing all elastic waist pants! I’ve turned into my mother.” Aging makes you incredibly unfashionable and weight gain is only part of the picture.

There was one major benefit to reaching 40: I’d developed into a self-accepting person. I have faced myself in the deepest recesses of my mind and I understand and accept that I am not a perfect person. I have not always been a good daughter, a good parent, a good friend, or even a good person. I have weaknesses both moral, mental and physical. I’ve done some things of which I am ashamed. I also learned there are things that make a decent person, and that the only person I needed to worry about judging me (unless I land in a courtroom) is myself over my own actions. At 29 I faced death on a very personal level and had a brief, pre-death chat with God. Then I had another incident at 48. Death is closer to all of us than what you may think. So now I face the future knowing the important thing is how I live my life. What's on the outside shouldn't be discounted, but it isn't all that counts.

Luckily, I am not seriously overweight; if I were I’d take dieting seriously. At this point, I'm trying not to obsess about my weight. Instead, I've pledge to become more observant of what I eat, how much I exercise and walk, and to take better care of my general health as a total lifestyle change. I’m going to wear clothes that are comfortable and put on the outside what matches the person I am on the inside, not some designer’s seasonal dictates. (Don't worry, I still try to be color and style coordinated)

Luckily, that saves a lot of money for theater tickets and other fun side trips. In my social crowd, your thinness isn't all that important.

Rhobin
http://rhobinlee.com

Waistline Retrieval After 40

2007-07-07T22:55:00.000-07:00

by Mary Andrews

Let’s set parameters of where I’m coming from here.

At 53 years old, I am afflicted by type II diabetes, asthma, somewhat raised cholesterol, as well as whatever caused me to have to have a heart stint installed a few years ago, menopause, and a severe case of poverty.

What does this mean? Well, for starters, Even under medication, I have trouble breathing when I over exert/exercise, almost everything I need to eat is likely to conflict with one of my ailments, and EVERYTHING costs too much.

POSSIBLE SOLUTIONS:

Isometric exercises can be done in a chair. Basically they involve pitting muscle against muscle for short periods of time- repetitively.

Belly dance isolation movements target and control individual muscles, even sitting in a chair you can do a belly roll-- first in one direction and then back. If your knees aren’t too bad, take a class in it. (Note: most all of this dance is done with the knees bent.) If you do have bad knees, it’s still worth your time to take a class or learn the basics through DVDs, because you can belly dance to any music out there, and we all have a radio.

Also, I’ve heard Tai Chi helps lower blood sugar as well as provide isometric and isostatic exercise for people of any age.

Walk the dog. Walk the mall. Walk with a buddy.

When I was younger, I used to do sit ups in bed before I would get up. I’d just throw the blankets down over my feet and do them. I started with as many as I could stand, then I’d do one more and quit. Great way to wake up and get the blood pumping. Each day I would add five more.

I also used to come home from work and turn on the radio. For the duration of 3-5 songs I grabbed up a little weight and exercised to the music, then took my shower and did house-stuff. It was actually very energizing too.

EATING SOLUTIONS:

Drink more water. I heard of one lady, who every time she wanted to eat something, she would drink a glass of water. If she still wanted it after that, she would try not to each much of it.

Oprah did a show about the French diet. She says that they eat all kinds of rich foods, but they have smaller, often tiny, portions. Makes sense to me.

Lose the cokes—even diet ones.

Eat more vegetables and salads, lose the carbs as much as possible, cut/cook the fat off your beef, eat more fish/turkey/chicken, give up anything with flavor, etc etc etc.

All of the above will help you out, but the biggest thing you need, is to decide what you do or do not want, and why.

Do you overeat to feel better, or is it in defiance of the universe?

I haven’t had cable TV in a couple of decades, so I’ve ended up watching way too many God awful exercise programs and advertisements. At first they really just pissed me off. Scantily clad, rib-showing sweet young things who don’t even have the decency to break a sweat are telling me how to lose weight and spend money I don’t have. Yeah, right.

Fact is, they inspired me to jump up and snack on something, even if I didn’t want it. So take that! (Not my brightest move, but what’s a poor, old, fat girl gonna do?) But before I realized it, each time they came on I actually started to get hungry (stupid Pavlov). So when I finally realized it, I started drinking a glass of water whenever I see the evil stick girls taunting me verily from the tube.

Defiance eating is a misguided form of reclaiming control over your life. As body parts start to fall off with age, and even the ugly guys/gals at the club won’t dance with you, and you find yourself training the people you work for, and everybody everywhere seems to have more say in your life than you do, that last bastion of power that only you control is THE RIGHT TO BE WRONG. Much akin to your misery, nobody but you can change it.

And as we age, we must work within whatever parameters we are given.
Good luck

30 pounds or 30,000 words--it's all good!

2007-07-07T18:41:00.000-07:00

I didn't gain my weight at 40--it hit me at 35. We moved to Virginia and in six months, I gained 30 pounds, not changing my eating habits or my exercise level. My doctor told me I was getting old. I'm blaming Virginia.

At any rate, neither diagnosis is helping me lose the weight, so recently, I've tried to implement a routine of daily walking. However, as a very busy writer and homeschooling mom, I don't have time or opportunity to wander my neighborhoods aimlessly. Besides, I find that deadly dull. Instead, I set up the ironing board in our bedroom, put the laptop on it, and march as I type. I march while blogging (yes, like now), doing e-mails or while on chats. Usually, I pick times when typos are not as serious because, let's face it, typing on a computer perched on an ironing board while the knees are lifting and at least one arm is pumping isn't the time for accuracy.

People thought I was nuts, but it's been working...slowly. However, I've found my inspiration: http://theweightlifter.blogspot.com/2006/10/low-cal-6011-min-warbiking-3-months-41.html

I want his set-up! Once we move to Minot, I'll be looking for a machine I can attach my laptop to; or I may see what the gym on base has to offer.

Now all I need is a T-shirt that says 30 pounds or 30,000 words--it's all good!

PS--Check out my virtual book tour this August. Forty stops in 31 days and none of it is fattening! http://isigsf.tripod.com for details

Karina Fabian
www.fabianspace.com
www.freewebs.com/dragoneyepi
http://isigsf.tripod.com

Losing Weight

2007-07-05T07:02:00.000-07:00

Diets! I hate the word. Afterall look at the first three letters. I don't diet. I'm in the process of losing the last 35 pounds. I have gotten rid of 25 pounds, but I did it by changing my attitude toward food. If I take the route of, of no, that's a bad food. I can't have it---well you know how that goes..nothing in the world is going to appease me until I have that food. So I don't forbid myself anything. If I want it I eat it....but just a bit of it. I tried subsitutions...didn't work...ended up eating it anyway, plus what I'd tried to sub for it.

What I find that works for me is upping my activity level. I don't weigh myself often, that scale drives me crazy. Oh, and I'm beyond the 50 mark by 5 years.

You know what drives me crazy, where the extra weight heads to now, it used to be my hips and butt, notw every extra ounce heads right to my stomach and waist. I hate that extra roll right above the old jean's waist that wants to be apart of me for the rest of my life.

I tried that much talked about program where they send you the food, Yes, I lost weight on it for about two weeks because I couldn't stand to eat the food. Everything tasted like green bell peppers. I don't care for bell peppers, but if you like them, then you would like the their food also.

Like Lea I'll let you all know how things are going at the end of the month, my goal is to be another 10 pounds lighter.

Oh, and don't forget about that muscle your gaining. It weighs more than fat. So take your measurements and rely on that more than that darn scale!

July's topic: Losing Weight After the Age of 40

2007-07-04T15:22:00.000-07:00

In January I'll be hitting fifty and I vowed to get to the 140 pounds I used to be, the level I feel comfortable at. Right now I'm 40 pounds over that limit and I feel the weight. Although I'm tall and carry the weight spread out equally, the notion that 'it's there' bothers me.

I remember when I was in my early twenties, a friend of the family told me that once you hit thirty you feel a change in your body. As soon as you hit forty you'll see your metabolism slow down; foods that you ate at a younger age will now begin storing in your fat compartment. Boy was she right.

Personally, I don't like diets. Just the thought that I'll go on a diet causes me to be hungry. I have, however, learned over the years to be careful what I eat and not to eat past 8 o'clock.

I'll still have my spagetti with sauce but might have only a half slice of bread. For snacks, I'll eat carrots, celery, broccoli, or cauliflower dipped in tzatziki. Don't misunderstand, I still have my vinegar chips or chocolate ice cream, but sparingly, maybe once a week instead of the daily habit I found myself in.

I also have found that eating breakfast has helped me lose weight because I don't get these hunger pangs like before and chewed on about everything in my cupboards or fridge.

I used to go to the gym and did love it but I tried something at home which I found has helped me. I use things around the house, for example, various sizes of cans used as weights, using the back of my chair for side leg raises, using the wall to do stand up push-ups, popping in exercise videos and following that gorgeous bodied gal and wishing it was me in that video.

Although the gym is an important connection to a healthier you, if you don't have the time then taking 15 minute spread into 4 parts throughout the day, will give you some benefit instead of nothing.

As I wrote, I am now 180 pounds and will report at the end of the month to tell you how much I've lost using the methods I mention above.

I'd love to hear back on what everyone is doing to lose weight and what the outcome has been.

Lea Schizas

My favorite fantasy

2007-06-22T20:58:00.001-07:00

Once in a while, I read a book that completely blows me away. Sometimes it's science fiction--Cyteen and Downbelow Station by CS Cheryth did. Sometimes it's romance--I still remember the first Jennifer Cruise Harlequin Temptation I read and thinking--this is what category romance can do. Sometimes it's mystery--Elmore Leonard or T. Jefferson Parker can write a mean line. But most often, it's fantasy.

I think the reason is that fantasy opens all possibilities. Authors can write a fantasy so funny it'll knock your socks off--if you haven't read the Thursday Next series by Jasper Fforde, you've got a treat coming. Sometimes fantasy lets us look at our own world through different lenses, seeing what we should have known--Harry Turtledove does this in his fantasy alternate history tales. Sometimes it opens new doors--when I read Lord of Light by Roger Zelazny for the first time, I hurried to the library to research Indian religion. Sometimes it makes you cry--as George R. R. Martin's A Game of Thrones did. Sometimes it's just plain fun.

I've read lately that paranormal romance is on the way out. I don't know--my paranormal romances (One Handsome Devil and In the Werewolf's Den) seem to sell better than most of my other books, but that seems to be what I'm hearing from New York. I don't know if that's true although certainly not everything the New York publishers have put out lately has been as good as it might be, and I have to say that I could go a long time without another hunky immortal vampire. I hope, though, that fantasy will always be a major part of what's published, and that publishers will continue to seek new, creative, and wonderfully powerful fantasies like the ones that first inspired me to want to write.

Rob Preece
Publisher, www.BooksForaBuck.com

FANTASY (a poem) by Mary Andrews

2007-06-12T13:15:00.000-07:00

A man walked up and asked me one night,
“What do you like, my dear?”
And I gazed in his eyes and far past his lies,
Drew a deep breath and replied:

I like white horses with horns,
Winged creatures—air born,
Dragons, castles, and magical things.

I like soft, starry nights,
And cold crisp sounds of flight
Like the leathery flapping of wings.

He looked at me strangely
And took a deep drink,
And asked what I liked to do.

And I gazed in his eyes,
Farther still past his lies,
Drew another deep breath and replied:

I like mythical things
That make foolish hearts sing,
Things like honesty, valor, and truth.

Someone holding me tight,
KNOWING things are alright,
And relationships not hundred-proof.

And he blinked once or twice,
Blew a smoke ring or two,
Left his name and his number behind.

As I watched him depart,
A cold wind crossed my heart,
And that is the reason I write.

(Poetry is not my forte, but I have a book full of these things

from back-in-the-day...
This one came to mind since Dindy did such a good job

of covering the other points I was going to make.)

til next time, read and write on.--mary andrews

http://www.freewebs.com/mary-andrews/

Do I like Fantasy?

2007-06-06T17:48:00.000-07:00

At one time I would have answered that question with a resounding "No." I'm a pretty practical type of person, and when I am reading and writing, I like to stay within the realms of possibility. Besides, for many years almost all fantasy novels written were clones of Lord of the Rings. Once I read that, there wasn't any need to read anything else.

However, tastes change, and not only that but literature changes. In the 80's there was a change in fantasy literature. Marion Zimmer Bradley's Darkover novels gave us fantasy that explored issues such as gender differences, culture clash, religion, wife abuse and pedophilia. She, along with other writers, ushered n a new era in fantasy novels-- a post LOTR era. Fantasy novels no longer always involved a quest or a war between good and evil or a dark lord. Sure, there were generally some elements of good and evil in most fantasy novels, but it was a different sort of focus than we found in Lord of the Rings.

Now I read and enjoy quite a bit of fantasy, and even wrote a fantasy novel, The Dreamer's Way, which is a blend of SF and Fantasy. I love the opportunity to be able to explore problems that we have in a different setting. Sometimes by just stepping sideways a bit and looking at a problem in a different way we can find a way to resolve it.

I've never been a linear thinker, so Fantasy allows me to indulge the non-conformist part of me. And sometimes it's just plain fun-- wouldn't we all like to have magical powers? Don't most of us secretly long for the days when we believed in Santa Claus?

In the world of fantasy, we slip the bounds of reality and can become anything we want. In a middle-aged life that often seems to be little but get up, go to work, come home, go to bed, a little bit of fantasy reminds us that there is more to life than the mundane of every day.

Ten reasons Why I Didn’t Blog About Working At Home Today:

2007-05-29T20:06:00.000-07:00

In no particular order. From the Home Office of Karina Fabian:

Kids kept interrupting me for help on their schoolwork. (If I have to spell “privacy” one more time…)

Steven was yelling at Liam because Liam hit him, but that was because Amber was kicking him because he (Liam) was in her spot and she couldn’t see the TV, and besides, Steven is grounded from TV and Alex even told him so, but he wouldn’t move so Liam hit him but…

The toilet backed up, and I’m the janitorial staff.

My friend IM’d about a problem she was having with her latest story, so of course, we worked on that and then we chatted about moving and kids… They should call it Yahoo! Watercooler.

I couldn’t concentrate, so I took a long shower to think about it. Had a great idea for a story and wrote that instead. Took another shower to think about the blog.

I went to make a pot of coffee and realized the dishes hadn’t been put away. Putting away the dishes reminded me I still had clothes in the dryer, and as long as I was folding them I may as well put another load in…Did those ever get put in the dryer? I’d better check.

Husband came home “frisky.”

The dog wanted to play. Who can resist a dog with a squeak toy in her mouth?

It was 90 out and the pool looked sooooo good!

Oh, wait—I just did it! Never mind.

TIMELY TIPS

2007-05-27T22:34:00.000-07:00

by Mary Andrews

It’s all about time…Organization….and the pursuit of happiness.

It’s easy to get all worked up over everything that needs to be done, in fact, it can become so overwhelming sometimes, that nothing gets done at all.

Ready... set... Categorize your needs…

........................Food: shopping, preparation…

........................House work: daily & weekly…

........................Outdoor chores: maintenance, lawn, garden…

........................'Children/animal care: feed, clothe, play, exercise…

.........................Relationship: quality time

.........................Scheduled Outside activities: church, clubs,

.........................Work: email, blogs, website, writing, marketing

Prioritize what is important and what isn’t.

When I first started my website, I had an arm long list of subjects to present. After about a week of killing myself trying to figure out how to do what I wanted, I found myself coming to loathe the thought of touching the computer.

This is not a good thing for a writer, so one day I got up and deleted three of the pages that I had not yet started working on. Lo and behold, my website looked so much better! I could actually announce that my website existed.

And you know what? I can still add those pages any time I want.

Schedule your time.

My mother raised seven kids with all that entailed, belonged to a bowling league, became a girl scout leader and a boy scout leader (at the same time), and kept an immaculate house. I marvel at that accomplishment even more than the fact she survived us.

I asked her once how she handled everything. She told me she kept to a schedule and a semblance of order prevailed.

Cut your chore time down by dividing them up per day. (Laundry on Monday, shopping on Tuesdays, yard work on Wednesdays….for example.) OR, do them all on one hell-or-high-water day, if you can.

Use ergonomics—design factors, as for the workplace, intended to maximize productivity by minimizing operator fatigue and discomfort. (dictionary.com)

For instance, cook two suppers at a time and tomorrow’s will need only reheating. OR set a crock pot up for tomorrow’s supper while you cook for today. Tomorrow, you plug it in.

Prepare school lunches the night before. Supper left-over’s making for a hearty lunch for anyone with a microwave at work.

Check your email during your kids’ favorite shows….

Back in my child rearing days, I would put the kids to bed and could write after 10:00pm. To optimize my available time, I would pour a Pepsi and play the same music over and over each time I sat down to write. Good ‘ol Pavlov was right. To this day, when I play that music I get creative…and crave a soft drink (same principle works for going to sleep, doing housework, exercising etc).

If you are working at home, set some rules.
As a writer, let others know that when your hat is turned to the front, you are at work. Tell friends your work hours. Establish a work area and make it inviolate (nobody uses your equipment).

And finally: NEVER FORGET TO ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS

It is amazing how hard we can be on ourselves—how easy it is to negate our own accomplishments. When I used to run reset crews in stores, I always made it a point to gather my people together and tell them to look at the results of their day's work before quitting time.

If you are working at home, remember to be kind to yourself. Who knows, maybe as a happy employee you'll become even more productive.

...........** for more 'me sightings' check out http://www.freewebs.com/mary-andrews/ **

Routine Routine Routine

2007-05-26T16:10:00.001-07:00

I work both at home and away from home. Outside of my job as a publisher and writer, I have another job out in the real world where I am a Human Resources Manager. I put in my 8 hours at the office, then drive home and put in another 3-4 hours at my "other life." And on weekends I totally spend my time at my "other life."

I've had to learn to minimize distractions. I make a list of everything I hope to accomplish each evening, and I stay focused on it. I don't answer the phone or pay attention to most of my email. It's not easy-- some nights I don't get to bed until 2 or 3 o'clock AM and then I'm up again at 6:00 AM to go to my day job. But my evening job (Swimming Kangaroo) is my passion and I am committed to it!

I don't have a problem staying away from the TV because I don't watch much to begin with, but I have to make sure I don't get distracted by surfing on the web, getting onto one of my listservs or reading a good book.

Throughout my working life I've had periods where I have worked at home. When my girls were little, I took jobs that allowed me to work from home during the summers and school breaks so I could be with them. They slept in so I could get stuff done in the morning. Once they got up I'd take a break and spend some time with them. During the afternoon they would usually get into the swimming pool so I would go back to my computer and keep an eye on them through the window. Evenings, once again, I took a break to spend time with my husband and the kids and then finally, once the girls went to bed, I went back to work. Over the course of the day I would put in more than 8 hours at work.

I have found that I am actually more productive at home than I am at my office because I don't have so many distractions. While I'm at my day job, people stop by my office frequently to chat. I don't have that at home-- once I make up my mind that I'm not going to pay attention to the phone or to email, I don't have to worry about anybody dropping in. Our neighbors, fortunately, (or unfortunately depending on your point of view) pretty much keep to themselves, so I don't have to worry about them coming by. When the girls were little we usually had other parents, who worked outside the home, drop their kids off at our house to spend the day. I never minded because that gave the girls some entertainment and allowed me to get some more work done.

I love working at home for another reason-- I am a night person. My natural inclination, if left to myself, is to stay up all night working and to sleep during the day. When I am working from home, I have the freedom to do that. Unfortunately I haven't managed to convince my boss at my day job that my hours should be switched to midnight to 8!

Before I sign off, I have to mention that CJ, the lead character in the mystery novel I wrote with my husband, The Dead Detective (under the pseudonym of Lorene Robbins) has a unique distraction while working at home-- the ghost of a murdered pawnbroker won't leave her alone. CJ discovered the pawnbroker's body, and she is the only person who can hear him. It makes things just a little difficult when she is trying to attend to her freelance computer consulting business. The ghost, Budge, is a pest, to put it bluntly, and insists that CJ spend time solving the mystery of his murder instead of working at her freelance computer consulting business.

I am fortunate not to have that problem-- no ghosts disturb my work at home moments-- just the occasional husband popping in or the occasional daughter calling me to "Mom" duty. For me, working at home is a privilege, and I hope to get to a point where I can do it full time!

Working at Home - Time Management Tips

2007-05-25T09:56:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone and apologies for my absence. I was away in Greece since April. My father passed away and I made it just in time to see him, talk with him, and tell him how much I loved him. Dad was my best friend, my motivator, and my writing inspiration and his teachings will continue to inspire me for many years to come.

This month's topic is Working at Home - Time Management Tips.

As a full time writer/editor, finding time to read, review books, write my own stories, and edit for several publishing houses and my own freelance editing business is a chore and a half.

Try living in a house where family members 'think' you are playing on the computer and not actually 'working. Imagine a home where five kids, four of them being adults, come and go, "Mom, what's for dinner?", "Mom, did you wash my...", "Mom, tell her to stop taking my clothes!". Yes, imagine trying to edit 'peacefully' in these circumstances.

But guess what? I do? Perhaps it's the mother in me and quite capable of tuning in and out whenever I want but I do get work done, most of the time on the proposed deadlines.

Most of the time I try to get up early to catch up with some editing while everyone is still asleep. That time fluctuates anytime between 4am - 5:30am.

Then the making of beds, preparing breakfast and figuring out the supper meal begins. When everyone is out of the house again, usually before lunch, I hop on my laptop and work nonstop until 4pm.

Most of the time, I hop on and off the computer between 4pm and 8pm, working around the house in-between. Then my fulltime ritual begins again around 10pm when everyone is too booped out to call out my name, and I'll continue until my eyes begin to droop, maybe midnight or 1am.

Is this a sane schedule to follow? No.

Then what motivates me to follow it? Simple...a love for what I'm doing.

When you have a passion for something as much as I have for writing, then you will find the time during the day to devote even an hour to it.

Oh, there are many excuses I've heard from not only writers, but from other at-home professionals:

-but the phone keeps me from working-- then don't answer it when you are in your scheduled 'work' time. If you were working from out of your home, would you allow your family and friends to interrupt you at work? I have call display so I see who is calling and make a mental note to call them later on, when I'm 'off' work. Make sure to tell your friends you won't answer the phone between so and so a time.

-there's so much to do around the house--then delegate. If you were working somewhere else, you'd still have to do this after you came home, right? Ask everyone to pitch in and help you around the house.

and many more excuses. As I wrote above and I stick by that: when you have a passion for what you are doing you will always find the time to accomodate it somewhere in your daily routine. Think of your at-home business as your baby. You need to nurture it from young in order for it to build into something you'll be proud of. You'd never neglect a child, then why neglect your business? You always find the extra time for play time with your child, then why can't you find one hour for your business?

As the saying goes: where there's a will there's a way.

Make sure to bookmark us and come back often and read what some of the other participating members have to offer in this month's topic: WORKING AT HOME- TIME MANAGEMENT TIPS.

Here are some of our upcoming topics to look forward to:

June: Fantasy: What I love about Fantasy

July: Losing weight after 40

Lea Schizas

http://leaschizaseditor.com

The Changing of the Guard

2007-04-28T11:59:00.000-07:00

As our parents get older, the nature of the relationship between them and us changes. At forty-seven years old, I am still the baby of the family, still the youngest of my four sisters, still the last child to which my mother gave birth. For most of my forty-seven years I have looked to my mother for, well, mothering. When I needed advice or wanted to complain about something, I called her. Even as my own children moved into adulthood, I still depended heavily on my mom to offer guidance as I moved through life.

Then, about seven years ago, I received a phone call from my dad. Like most daughters, I have always idolized my father. He has always known what to do and how to handle things. He's never needed much of anything-- he's just been the strong, silent, capable father figure throughout my life.

One Saturday I had a rare day with nothing going on, and I settled myself on the sofa with a good book and a bowl of popcorn. Then the phone rang. When I answered it, I didn't recognize the voice on the other end as my dad's. He kind of strangled out my name, "Dindy!"

"Yeah," I said, chewing on my popcorn.

"Marty... something's wrong."

I forgot about the popcorn. I could hear someone moaning in the background and, worse, I could hear my dad sobbing. He was crying out my mother's name and asking her if she were all right. She was unable to respond.

I started asking questions and learned that he had come inside and found her standing by the fridge with one arm up in the air, completely unresponsive. As I spoke to him, I flew into the bedroom and changed clothes, preparing to drive hellbent for leather the thirty miles to their house. "Hang up and call 911!" I urged him. "I think she's had a stroke."

As I listened to my father on the phone, along with the incomprehensible moans from my mother, I chafed at the fact that no matter how fast I drove, it would take me at least thirty minutes to get there. My dad, for the first time in my life, seemed helpless, completely incapable of doing anything, I heard him crying out to my mother, could hear his voice choked with tears and fear.

Finally a woman who lives next door to my mother dropped over and, quickly assessing the situation, called 911. By that time I was halfway there, and my dad told me to meet them at the hospital. I drove straight to the hospital emergency room and caught up with my dad at the admitting office. As soon as he saw me, he wrapped me in his arms and cried into my shoulder. The admissions clerk said they had been waiting for me because Dad was too upset to complete the paperwork. Holding my dad’s hand, I sat down beside him and listened carefully to the clerk as she explained each step of the admissions process. In turn, I repeated everything she said to my dad who looked to me for answers, searching my face to see assurance that my mom would be all right. Assurance I couldn’t give him.

Finally we finished with the paperwork and were allowed back to see my mother. Hospital staff moved around the room in smooth routine. For them, this was just another patient, another day- and while they NEVER treated my mother as a number in a bed, I knew that at the very least, they had their treatment pattern honed to a smooth art and were able to shift smoothly through the clockwork gears of occupational therapist, speech therapist, physical therapist, nurse, cardiologist, physician, dietician and a myriad of other specialists and care providers. For the first 48 hours, though, my mother was unresponsive. The few times she was conscious, she was not lucid. Her speech pattern dropped down to those of a three-year-old. “But I don’t want to stay in the hospital!” she would say in a little girl voice. Every time a doctor or care provider came into the room, they would explain what they were doing. Again, I would listen and then my dad would look to me to explain what had just been said. Once I explained it, he would nod and then make a response. I was saying almost the exact same thing the provider said, but somehow Dad couldn’t understand them as well as he could understand me.

My mother slowly gained strength, and her brain slowly started to return. She received excellent care and has made a good recovery. She still has problems sometimes finding the words she wants to say, and she gets stuck in conversational loops and can’t get out of them—she’ll start talking about something and no matter what we say, she will return the conversation back to her topic and repeat it endlessly. She’s also lost her social barriers—when we go places with her she has a tendency to wander off and get involved in discussions with complete strangers who stand looking slightly bemused at this little old lady who has just inserted herself into their conversation.

And my relationship with my parents has changed as well. We are slowly shifting our roles— I realize I can no longer expect them to care for me in the manner in which they used to. My sister and I talk to each other frequently about their condition—“How is Mom this week? Is she lucid? What about Dad? Does he seem okay?” We make arrangements to check on them and try to do it so they won’t know what we are doing. About a year after the stroke, my dad went to Indiana to spend a few days with another sister, leaving my mother behind. He asked Carleen (my sister who lives near me) and I to keep an eye on my mother. We enlisted the help of my daughter Fritha, who was going to school and living near my parents, and between the three of us we managed to work it out so my mom had a visitor every day my dad was gone. Fritha dropped by one day to do her laundry and another day to take my mother to lunch. Carleen dropped by to water the plants and another time to take Mom to dinner. I drove over to go out to lunch. We even managed to get my younger daughter, Jaala, to call my mom one day. Was Mom suspicious about the sudden rush of attention from her daughters and grandchildren? I don’t know, but it gave my dad, and us, some peace of mind.

As a parent, I know that I do not want to be a burden to my children. Further, I know that I do not want them to see me as I saw my mother and father after Mom’s stroke. I am MOM. I take care of them. They don’t take care of me. That is the way it should be. Yet, as a daughter, I am glad that I am able to help my parents in whatever way I can. It is a small price to pay for the life they have given me. And I know that I may not be able to dump all my problems on them any more, but I can still reach out to them for the same unconditional love and acceptance they have always given me. That is one parenting role that will NEVER change.

Caring for a Parent

2007-04-20T14:33:00.000-07:00

My father-in-law has lived with us since June last year, just before his 88^th birthday. About the same time my 82-year-old mother moved in with my younger sister. This was lucky for my sister and me because we were able to call each other, compare problems and commiserate with each other. Commiserate? Yes, commiserate. Having your parent move in with you is not an easy transition for anyone involved.

Dealing with a parent-child relationship that is changing in dramatic ways is difficult. The parent may have short-term memory problems. Listening to your mother repeat the same joke, tell the same antidote, worry about the same problem once every five minutes of your visit with her is difficult. Having her tell you she is moving back to her house this weekend and having to tell her that her house was sold months ago is terrible. The little look of shock on her face that her house and her possessions are gone, hurts. She was there, she chose what happened, what she kept, what she gave away. She has just forgotten.

Further problems develop when you realize you are not always dealing with an adult mentality, but one who occasionally reverts to a sneaky six-year old. They don’t want to shower or exercise. They only want to eat what they want. Even when you tell them they are diabetic and they aren’t supposed to have the candy they have crammed in their mouth. Or try telling someone with glaucoma, hearing aids that don’t seem to help much and mental spells of confusion why he can’t drive anymore. His answer to your objections, “Well, I’m sure the doctor will tell you I can at the next visit.”

Your parent might be on multiple medications for which you are responsible to see are taken in the right dosage at the proper timing -- and being sure they can’t find the drugs it they remember they have to take their medications. They might not be aware any new television series have been made since The Heat of the Night. They might use the remote to change the TV station every thirty seconds or so. You aggrevate them, even when trying not to. What you do know is that you want them to be with the people who love them and whom they know for as long as they can.

A parent’s care can be a full-time job, and different from taking care of a child who will grow and learn, the path here is only more disability, and eventually, death. It will test your strength and your patience. You will cry. We were lucky our parents remained independent as long as they did. As health problems and memory failure take over their lives, we fall back on the love they gave to us for so many years and the respect they are still due as an adult to see us through.

Their condition is a reminder to enjoy the time we have, to visit family and friends, especially the elders, for as long as we can; to take care of ourselves, exercise and follow the guidelines for good health, and lastly, to not feel guilty about having someone come in stay with your parent because you just have to get away.

PARENTAL GUIDANCE

2007-04-19T14:06:00.000-07:00

by Mary Andrews

So they’re old and wrinkled and grey, are they? And you’re starting to wonder if they’re just out to get you. You bend over backwards to help them. Despite work and other commitments, you take them places, see that they eat right, make doctor appointments, help keep their place clean—and they fight you every step of the way.

You’re starting to feel like the soccer ball instead of soccer mom. Why don’t our aging parents appreciate how hard this is on us? We’re all in this together aren’t we…well, AREN’T WE? (At this point, you wonder if they’re deaf or ignoring you OR maybe they’re in denial and don’t admit to being deaf yet. It can get complicated.)

Well, for those of you out there in this predicament, I salute you. Hopefully, your children will have more experience navigating these waters when you cross them. Maybe you can work up a wish list for the future while it’s still fresh in your mind. They say that education and forethought is a great equalizer.

I’m willing to bet that there are plenty of support groups if you can find time to do a search. The internet contains many a lifeline. Maybe you should highlight a few that might help you out in a pinch.

There are so many little things that can make a difference for both you and your parents. Anything that can help them remain self sufficient is worth whatever time and money it may cost. It’s hard to give up independence. (Remember how hard you worked to get it in the first place?)

But the worst thing about growing old is the loneliness. When all you have in your day is time, it is difficult to find others to share it. Ask anyone who’s done door-to-door sales about how talkative most of the home bound elderly are when approached. I’ve always found them interesting, and remarkably knowledgeable. But they live in a different time zone—one that does not punch a clock or need to meet a deadline.

Isolation makes pain more wrenching, it can changes perspective in many ways. Do not take lightly the rituals or self imposed scheduling that your parents may demand to keep. These things can help them stay grounded and in control of their own lives. They are important to them, and that matters.

So do what you can for them. Turn your garage into an apartment for them, if you’re able. Change the door knobs to lever-type handles. Make sure they have a self propelled cleaning aids (vacuum, dishwashers, wheeled garbage cans, etc). Encourage them to get out to senior citizens events, to participate in church events, to meet people, to visit with the grandbabies. In the midst of your busy schedule, try to hear them out. Maybe have a weekly game night or picnics. Make time for just visiting with them. If they didn’t do it for you when you were growing up, then now’s your chance to catch up. Believe me, these will be the memories that you will cherish later.

If they live too far away and cannot be relocated, seek out agencies and churches that can help or recommend nursing communities. Stay in contact with them and your parents. Believe it or not, email has turned into quite a blessing for the aged. After we set my mom up with an email account and messaging, we taught her how to use them, and she was able to drop in and talk to us at any time. A whole world opened up, and was not that expensive. Even computer games can be fun, and there are craft sites, medical site, the world was at her fingertips on the web.

Now, for the elders: allow me to remind you that you invested a good part of your life instilling values onto your offspring. This should be your payoff. They can now act as extensions of your body. If your mind is slipping, they will try to help you keep up. They will remind you, prod you, fill out paperwork for you (there is no greater show of love than that—believe Me.), and you should not confuse this with disrespect. Do not lash out at them in your rage against a failing body. It’s nobody’s fault. Time takes us all, sooner or later. What you teach them now, will definitely be remembered when their time comes.

I’m in my 50’s now and every day I get up wondering what body part will fall off next. If life has taught me anything, it is that stress only hastens the deterioration.

If your limbs are cantankerous, your loved ones will help you walk, procure tools to safeguard your way, they will push or roll or heft you to wherever you need to be taken…or they will try to. Don’t blame them for this. Help them. They are doing for you exactly what you did for them when they started out. So don’t forget to say please and thank you, just like you taught them to.

If you are feeling helpless and a bother, if you think you have nothing left to offer them but bills and pain, slap yourself in the face a couple and times and listen up. Life is hard for everybody, and perspective is everything—always has been. If someone loves you enough to care for you, then you should respect them enough to allow it and appreciate it.

Never forget that real love allows people to cry together. Once that has been done, everybody can get on with facing things together. It is important to communicate, not just talk. Forever can end tomorrow, but time just keeps going on.

The blame game is what children do. Adults learn to handle responsibility, and then we reap what we have sown and have to fix it or endure it. Life is hard, but it’s not over until it’s over, so don’t waste it.

There are so many scenarios that can play out when dealing with the aged. It’s difficult to address the topic thoroughly. Please feel free to add any tips, websites, or suggestions in the comments section below. We’re all in this together, and every little bit helps.

Til next time,
Mary Andrews
http://www.freewebs.com/mary-andrews/

Dealing With a Older Parent

2007-04-07T08:06:00.000-07:00

We are dealing with this right now. It's been coming on in stages. Jeff's mom had dementia. It had become steadily worse over the past year and a-half. We knew when we visited last year that changes were required.

Last November Jeff's mom fell...again...his dad was unable to lift her up. I should say that Jeff's mom was 87 at the time and his dad 89. Jeff's dad did call 911 and they took hs mom to the E.R.

Jeff took off from work and went there. Jeff's parents are in Oregon and we are in CA. He has an older sister in Oregon, but her mental and physical health isn't all that great either.

While Jeff was there he moved his mom to a care home and his dad into assisted care. His dad put up a fuss, but at last agreed.

His mom could only be in the care home for a month, so we knew we would have to find a home for her that would take dementia patients and where she and his dad could be together.

On December 12, Jeff's mom passed away. He was in Spain at the time. He knew there was a chance it could happen. It was still a shock for me to get the call from his sister. I knew by the tone of her voice what had happened. I just said, "tell me."

There is a eight hour difference in time between us and Spain. I thought of calling Jeff that night, but instead decided to wait until morning...night is the worst time to receive such devastating news.

At around six o'clock our time I got a call from Jeff's cousin. They live closer to his parents and had been helping them out...why is another story. I'll get into that later in a different post. Anyway this fool called to ask me if I had spoken to Jeff yet. I said no, I was waiting for it to be morning there, and then he tells me he sent Jeff an email to the office in Spain, telling him his mom had passed away. An email! Can you believe it? I was furious. I hung up and called Jeff right away. No way was I going to let him read on a email that his mom had passed away.

He was stunned of course and heartsick. The holidays can be rough and this did not help.

I am so glad we had his father already in assisted care. He went through the memorial alright. But called us all of the time out of loniliness. He and Jeff's mom had been married for over sixty years. Jeff''s sister has a long history of conflict with her dad. After her mother passed, she decided he couldn't take the stress and dropped it all in Jeff's lap.

That's still another story.

Jeff's dad has decided to move closer to us. That will happen in June. I'll write more of what has happened in the past months with my next post.

Dealing With An Older Parent

2007-04-03T09:56:00.000-07:00

Welcome to this month's theme on Branches of Life:

DEALING WITH AN OLDER PARENT

We welcome you to leave your own comments and let us know some of the hardships, methods of dealing with an older parent, you have had to endure.

I've been blessed to have parents who age gracefully, never complaining about aches and pains, actually they laugh it off. However, dad has been diagnosed with cancer and has been given only three months to live, which brings us to June 2007. This in itself is very traumatizing to a child, regardless of the age. It's human nature, yes, to live and die, but we're never mentally prepared to let go of our parents whom we love so much.

He is my best friend and writing motivator. The hardest part is living so far away from them. They live in Greece and I'm in Canada. My sister is living there and has had to take the full force of seeing him deteriorate before her eyes.

To see a man who has always been a strong person, a caring person, succumb to cancer is nothing I would wish on anyone.

Yet, he manages, according to my sister, to continue with his humor at times when not in pain.

I attribute this characteristic to my mother and to their loving relationship they've had for over 50 years. It takes two to tango and make a go out of a marriage, and my parents have had a marriage I envy. There hasn't been a day that has passed that these two lovebirds don't act like honeymooners.

The mental anguish, however, knowing time is approaching when dad will not be here is very, very hard on me. I'm only hoping to arrive in Greece in time and see him one last time, feel his warmth radiate within me with his smile, and tell him something he already knows, "I love you, dad."

Lea Schizas

THE TERRIBLE TEENS

2007-03-14T23:58:00.000-07:00

By Mary Andrews

Remember when they were sweet little bundles of joy that counted on you for everything? Remember how only your voice, and touch, and hugs could make everything alright to the little darlings? And then they turned two—remember the terrible twos?

That was when they started striking out on their own. They crawled away, then toddled, then ran, and got into things and began to plot and plan. Remember when silence became a call to arms?

Well, you survived it once, so cheer up little buckaroo, you may not have the stamina that you used to have, but you’ve age and wisdom on your side, right? Right? Oh well, you can use that as a mantra while you stare at the ceiling through the darkest of nights.

As I recall, during my terrible teens, my father told me that the older I got, the smarter he’d be. So that was the good news.

The bad news is that the terrible teens don’t really have to wait until your offspring turns thirteen. Nope. That was the biggest surprise for me. I mean, one minute you’re a dedicated soccer mom taking everybody everywhere, cooking, cleaning, washing, becoming a cub scout leader, learning the names of the Transformers/Pokemons/Power Rangers, or whatever the cuddly little creature of the week is, and then, just when you think you have the swing of things—BAM—your not so little darling’s head spins.

That’s right, just like in The Exorcist. They metamorphosize into a great pea spitting beastie that just won’t see reason anymore. Doesn’t seem to make much sense, does it? I mean, we all know there are hormones involved and all, but how do you combat this? Who are these body snatchers, and how do I get little Johnny or Mary back?

I gave this a great deal of thought before I started this article. In fact, I thought I actually knew what to say. But then I decided ask some of the teens, any of the teens, I came across what they thought about the situation, and sure enough, they did not mention a single thing I was going to point out.

And I think that is exactly why we have problems with them. When they first started talking, it was great, but then they never stopped, and in self defense, we stopped listening. I believe I heard somewhere that in the first six years, a child learns more than they will for the rest of their lives. That’s quite a few questions, and in the end, we give out and they find their answers elsewhere.

I’ve always found it sad to watch young intelligence flounder for lack of their mom’s and dad’s time, or patience, or understanding. Parents, unwittingly, cultivate this chasm for a long time before they fall, headlong, into it.

And, of course, we can hardly turn back the hands of time enough to remember some of the really dumb things we did as kids. For example: I remember waaaaay back when I was around twelve, I was left to babysit my six siblings, and somehow a picture got knocked off the wall and the glass broke.

Now, this was one of two very special pastel landscapes that a dearly departed relative had drawn. It was invaluable to my mother, and I knew how upset she would be. So I decided I would fix the glass—by welding it together with a match.

I still remember this line of thought very clearly, though I have no idea why it never occurred to me to take the picture out of the frame first. Perhaps I had seen a documentary on blowing glass or something, and I still have problems with proper sequencing. But the point is, it really seemed like a good idea at the time and, of course, it wasn’t.

I believe it took a couple of weeks for my mom to actually notice the broken frame and burned hole in that lovely landscape, but she did, and I don’t especially remember how bad the repercussions were. But the memory of being so stupid stuck with me. And I think it is a good thing to remember, because we aren’t born with a full comprehension of cause and effect. We learn it—eventually—just as our kids are now.

So I polled as many teens as I could get answers from, and you know what I found out?

First; that their time was as valuable as ours. Very few of them returned my questionnaire.

Second: That their opinions were as diverse as ours.

A thirteen year old girl chose the music of Casting Crowns (a Christian group), and her favorite movie was Aquamarine (“because it’s good”). Her favorite books were Nancy Drew Mysteries (“I like mysteries”). She wished “to have no fear of tumbling,” and if she could change anything in society, it would be for “the killing to stop.”

A fifteen year old boy chose the music of As I Lay Dying (“good clean metal/scream sound and the lyrics actually mean something”). Favorite movie: The Omen (“It’s original and awesome.”) Favorite book: The Series of Unfortunate Events (“detailed, interesting, and extensive vocabulary”). He said if he could have one wish, he would want to “control time.” “Personality clashes” among friends frustrated him, and at school he had problems with “people not knowing what the hell they’re saying or doing.” He felt like “slave labor” at home.

When I asked what he would change about our society, he answered, “get rid of all the ignorant bastards that have no f**king clue how to live a sociable, civilized life.

I remember asking him a year or two ago, why he wore those big old baggy pants that the boys like to almost wear. (You know, the ones that show their underwear at the top.) Back then, he told me it was cool and made him fit in better, but when I asked him this time, He answered, “They’re just comfortable.” But don’t they get you in trouble at school? “Not if I wear a long shirt.”

Hmm, go figure. That’s why I like loose clothing, too.

Though the terrible teens are destined to clash with us, it does not have to be such a horrible right of passage. I taught my three boys how to play chess, Magic the Gathering (a card game), and Dungeons and Dragons. I watched the shows they liked (still do) because it gave us common ground, a form of equality, and a line of communication. It kept me in tune with them despite our age differences, and while I taught them how to role play, we discussed important values. We made each other aware of things that mattered, and I came to trust their judgment more.

Our society has taken away the old family structure that this country was built upon. No amount of government legislation can give it back. As parents, we have to reclaim it on our own.

The old golden rule (“Do onto others as you would have them do unto you”) should be revived within the family. We spent all their lives teaching them not to touch the hot stove, and to wash behind their ears. That was our duty. But it is their duty to want equality, and respect. We get used to bossing them around, to not listening; we are only trying to protect them. But eventually, just like the terrible two year old, they have to break away. And you will reap what you have sown— in triplicate.

But, fear not, this too will pass. If you were smart enough, or fortunate enough, to expose them to other (friends, family, church) folk who can stand in for you when you are no longer in power, they will have good resources to fall back on. (It really does “take a village….”)

Ultimately, your respect, understanding, and unconditional love will bring them back around. So each day, sit down to at least one meal with the television off (VCR on) and talk…and listen. Open lines of communication. Listen to the words of the music they like. Go out of your way to watch programs and movies with them, play twenty questions. Learn a craft together, build a birdhouse, become active in Scouts.

Sooner or later, you may discover that they have become conscientious and sensitive, even intelligent, young men and women. And believe me, you don’t want to be the last one to realize it.

‘Til then, remember the mantra: “The older you get, the smarter I am…the older you get the smarter I am…the older you get….”

Thanks for hearing me out,
Mary Andrews.
http://www.freewebs.com/mary-andrews/

2007-03-12T07:40:00.000-07:00

I’m a survivor of both my own and my children’s teenage years. Those few years are such a struggle when you are there.

Teens want freedom to do whatever they want, the ability to have the last word in what they consider their affairs, hate being held back by adults. All the while their bodies are growing and being charge with hormones, and you know their curiosity is akin to a cats'.

Parents, having lived through it and gained experience in self-determination, know its more then about giving or denying your child independence, it is about teaching empathy and responsibility and about keeping your child safe even while you let them make mistakes. Being the parent sometimes requires you to enforce your judgment over your child’s, producing clashes that can be very stressful.

Most of us come into adulthood with only a few minor scars. However, I’ve seen major scars rack a family for decades. There is one in our small town right now with a 17-year-old girl in serious trouble being told she got herself into the mess, so she can get herself out of it.

Luckily, both of my children emerged from their teens healthy and law-abiding. I've often believe it was pure luck. I'm sometimes surprised any child reaches adulthood.

For all you parents of teens, there is hope. In some ways while my children have grown away from me as they became adults, they’ve also grown closer. They see me with clearer vision.

The funny part is that I’m still learning secrets that occurred during those years. I am surprised at what I’ve learned. My children, who constantly argued in front of me, helped each other out of their troubles and kept each other’s secrets. Somehow in those tumultuous years they forged a lasting friendship. What more could a parent want?

Rhobin
In my last submission I talked about aliteracy. I’ve written about illiteracy at Rhobin's Rambles.

Each Teen is Unique

2007-03-05T17:28:00.000-08:00

Thank you to Rob for a thoughtful post about raising a teen-aged boy. He says he doesn't recognize the teens described in the other blogs in this Zine, because he had a boy and the rest of us are describing our experiences largely with girls. However, one thing I have found in working with teens is that they are all unique, each with their own set of issues and challenges. Our girls never went through much of the normal teen-aged angst-- somehow we managed to avoid the teen rebellion and the peer pressure and the other teen-aged traumas. However, I remember my own teen-aged years well. When I was a sophomore in high school I had something happen to me that entirely changed my life. My parents and I moved from a small town in Indiana to North Dallas.

I was the only one still at home with my parents by that time, my older sisters having moved out on their own. I was quite a bit younger than them so I was always more like an only child than a younger sibling anyway. I had lived in this small town in Indiana since I was 10 months old. The kids that I went to high school with were the same kids I had sat beside in grade school. I attended the same schools my sisters attended, and the same high school from which my mother and sisters graduated. I had grown up knowing that I would also graduate from this high school. I had grown up knowing that I would attend and graduate from the same university as my parents and sisters.

Then my dad took a job in North Dallas and my world somersaulted. In the middle of my sophomore year I moved with my parents to Texas. I went from a small town to a metroplex. I went from trees to scrub pine. I went from knowing every single student in school to not knowing anybody anywhere. I went from a town where everyone knew me, my sisters and parents to a place where nobody knew any of us. To say that it was difficult was an understatement. A major understatement.

I had grown up wearing clothes my mother made for me, or clothes handed down by my sisters. There was nothing wrong with that in Indiana, all the girls' mothers sewed their clothes, and often traded patterns. When I outgrew my clothes, they would be handed down to someone in a grade beneath me. Now, suddenly, I lived in North Dallas where everyone wore designer clothes. Suddenly my homemade outfits, which were the height of fashion at my school in Indiana, were shabby and embarrassing.

My hair wasn't styled, I talked funny, I didn't have a car (in North Texas, having a car is a rite of passage for teens.) We studied different subjects, different textbooks, even a different school year-- in Indiana we had the old fashioned semester system whereas in Texas we were on the quarter system. I didn't make friends. Kids made fun of me. I went home from school every day and cried. I wanted nothing more than to go back to Indiana, back with my friends, back where I had always thought I would grow up.

On my first day of school I was assigned a student to show me around. I clung to her desperately- I didn't really like her but she was all I had. Then one day she gave me a letter in which she basically told me to stay away from her, that she was embarassed by my clothes, by the way I looked, by the way I talked. She gave me this letter the day before the band, of which I was a member, was scheduled to go to a local amusement park for a competition. I showed the letter to my mother, again crying, and she offered to let me stay home from school.

Oh how I wanted to take her up on that, but I didn't. I grabbed the thickest book I could find, went to the amusement park, and when we arrived, I set off for a quiet place where I could read undisturbed. While the other teens rode the rides, played the games and had fun, I sat at a picnic table and read, coming out only to play my trombone during the competition. (I couldn't even play the right instrument. Girls didn't play trombones in North Dallas. They didn't play them in Indiana either, but it was a small school and there, nobody cared that I played a brass instrument. They knew my dad had played trombone when he was in school and it made sense that I would do so. In Dallas nobody knew or cared what my dad had played. They just knew that girls didn't play trombone. They played flute or clarinet, but never a low brass instrument.)
In some ways the move to Dallas brought me and my mother closer. She was going through something similar to what I was going through so we became each other's support system. I knew when I came home from school that no matter how bad a day I'd had, my mom and I could take my dog for a walk and laugh about the silly way things were in Texas and talk about how much we wanted to go home. I avoided a lot of the teen aged angst with my own parents because we couldn't fight each other. We were, in many ways, all each of us had.

I've never been good at keeping a diary, but I did burn the memory of those feelings into the hard drive of my memory. With my own daughters, I sought to keep their life as stable as possible. Once they got into junior high school, my husband and I made a decision that we would not move anywhere till they were both out of the house. We did not want them to go through the same disruption I had gone through. When my older daughter had problems with friends at school, my husband and I sought to make our home as emotionally safe as possible for her.

Do I blame my parents for uprooting me in high school? Of course not. I had a terrible year before I found other geek kids who shared my interest in Star Trek and Science Fiction. I never did really feel as though I belonged in my new high school; I consider my high school to be the one in Indiana even though I only attended there one semester. Nevertheless, those were the kids I grew up with and that was the school I always thought I would graduate from. But if we hadn't moved to Texas, I would never have met my husband and would not have the life I have now.

I was fortunate enough when I was in high school that my mom was able to share what I was going through. She gave me understanding at a time when I desperately needed it. She didn't prod me to go out and make friends, she didn't tell me that if only I were more friendly I wouldn't have so many problems. She understood that I needed time to adjust, and she gave me that time.

My husband and I have both maintained an empathy for what our children are going through as they grow. We've tried to be understanding of their moods and stages-- I won't say we've always succeeded, but for the most part we've been able to see things from their point of view before we've said something we might regret later.

I have found that empathy can help deal with a lot of the trauma of raising a teen. It's a terrible time for kids-- their hormones are raging, their faces are breaking out, their bodies are doing strange things. They've got peer pressure screaming at them on one side, and the demands of their parents' expectations screaming at them from another. They are desperately trying to carve out their own identity while at the same time trying to belong.

So when you find yourself at a loss as to what to do with your teen, just stop whatever you are doing. Put yourself in your teen's shoes. Feel what your teen is feeling. Reach back to when you were a teenager and remember how dreadfully important EVERYTHING was. Remember when the world revolved around YOU. Then listen to your teen. If she isn't talking, listen to what she is NOT saying. It's there. Trust me-- with everything your teen does, she is saying something to you. Remember your feelings from that time and then, instead of fighting your teen or thinking of her as this total stranger, see her for the vulnerable child she is. And remember, you too were once a teen. No matter what else, the two of you have that much in common.

Boy Teens are different

2007-03-03T12:54:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure I really recognize the descriptions of girl teens I see. My only child is a boy (man). We had tough times through his teen years--his mon and I divorced when he was young and he lived with his mom but spent alternate weekends with me. So, I never had conflicts over the phone (getting him to talk), and the problem wasn't getting him out of the bathroom but making sure he took regular showers.

I think all teens have the shame thing down--the things I really could have helped my son with (girls, school, being cool) he wasn't willing to talk to me about. So, we talked about the video games he was playing and whether the Republicans really were going to win another election (in Texas this is a pretty sure bet).

Oddly, I've never written a story with a boy teen as a major character--maybe it was too close to home. I did write one romance novel where the hero had a teenage daughter and the heroine had a teenage son (THE BRIDE'S FATHER by me writing as Amy Eastlake at www.booksforabuck.com/rompages/bride_father.html) where I think I worked out some of my concerns and fears. One nice thing about being an author is that you get to vent and explore different possibilities through writing. Or maybe that's one of the terrible things about being an author--not only do you get to make all of your own mistake, you get to do-over, allowing you to make more mistakes than any one person could possibly accomplish.

I don't have any answers to the teen thing. I can't even say they outgrow it. My son is now 22, but he's still struggling at the border between youth and adulthood.

When I think of those eighteen year-old boys and girls we're sending off to Iraq and Afghanistan, it really makes me feel old.

Slightly off-track, did you know that Read an eBook Week starts tomorrow, March 4th. If you've never read an eBook, why not give it a try. If you don't want to actually buy one, you can download a bunch of older titles for free at www.manybooks.net. Here's my prediction, both for teens and for older adults--it'll take a couple of hours to get used to it, but give it a try. By the time you finish reading your eBook, you won't want to go back. You can read on your computer, your PDA, your phone (if you've got a smart phone) or on a dedicated reader (but don't buy the reader until you're hooked on eBooks).

Rob Preece
Publisher, www.BooksForABuck.com

Upcoming Themes

2007-03-02T10:31:00.000-08:00

Boy, are we on the ball here or what! Thank you to all the members of this blog for posting their introductions.

Now, dear reader, I'd like to give you a hint of what's coming up in the next couple of months:

MARCH: TEENS

APRIL: DEALING WITH AN OLDER PARENT

MAY: WORKING AT HOME: TIME MANAGEMENT TIPS

As you can tell, we're going to cross the borders to offer you various topics for your reading pleasure. We also invite you to send us your own life experiences in our topics to come each month. Afterall, reading everyone's own experiences will help other readers by giving them suggestions on how some of us deal with these topics.

Now for more TEENS issues:

Bathroom and phone--my oh my. In this household of seven, everyone needs to tell the other when they need to use the bathroom to get ready for school or work. You see, my children work at different times, not a steady time so we can get used to it...and yes, we have a powder room downstairs but no one wants to use that. Why should they? It would only make life simpler. :)

Anyway, so far, so good, only a few mishaps when a 'time' wasn't given and loud rapping on the bathroom door, with some,

"Are you going to be long?"
"Yeah."
"Well, I gotta get ready for work."
"Tough, I'm in here now!"
"MOM!!!!!"

Ah, the pleasure of that musical tone ringing out to my ears...thank goodness it happens only a few times a month.

As for the phone...worked that problem out. We have call waiting and call display so everyone is a happy camper with no missed calls.

How about you? Any new solutions to these two problem areas?

Lea

Introduction

2007-02-28T12:34:00.000-08:00

My name is Nicole Andrews. I'm totally blind and own a couple of yahoo groups. writingoriginalblackfiction, novel-reading-group, and author-promotion. These groups are accepting membership. I am working on a cross-genre novel. It combines sf and mystery.

Introducing Mary Andrews

2007-02-27T05:01:00.000-08:00

My name is Mary Andrews. I was born and raised in the Military. As I grew up, we were stationed in Kansas, England, Texas, Hawaii, Texas, Texas, and Texas. So I hail from…Texas. The eldest of seven kids, I learned to duck, dodge, and wrangle babies at an early age. Upon my escape from two cart grocery shopping and a never ending line to the bathroom, I attended college at Texas Tech University for a couple of ill spent years before setting out to conquer the world--one mistake at a time.

With a vengeance, I sought out nontraditional lines of work for a woman. I went from electronic assembly to machine operator to warehouse worker to helicopter repair to a ten year stay at home mom to custodial/taxi driver/data acquisitions operator/inventory specialist/CAT grater assembly/Licensed Air Frame mechanic/bicycle assembly/merchandiser/answering service Operator/Relay Operator for the Deaf/Cell phone customer service rep and quite a few more.

So I decided I wanted to become a writer.

During last October’s free Muse Online Writers Conference, I submitted the first ten pages of a sci fi novel that I’d been writing to Dindy Robinson for a critique as part of class. To my absolute amazement, she asked for my manuscript and I am now under contract with Swimming Kangaroo Press to have it published. It will be the first book of: THE FIREBORN CHRONICLES, and is expected out in October, hopefully before the next Muse Online Writers Conference. I still can’t stop saying WHOOOHOOO!

I’m currently working on my home page/blog/Gypsy research/art outlet/writer & artist featuring/buy-my-book website. I’ll post the address here when it’s done.

I’m very excited about being a part of this project, and since this is my very first attempt at blogging, I can't wait to see what happens next. So let the adventure begin.

Help! Why Isn't My Teen Writing

2007-02-23T10:56:00.000-08:00

Dindy Robinson's post: Reading For Your Teen's Lifetime, is loaded with great ideas on encouraging your teens to continue reading throughout their life.If you haven't checked it out, look into our archives to find it.

I have to admit, although I raised five children, it has to be in the child to want to read. However, as parents, we need to find alternate methods to encourage them. It's not easy to consistently supervise, educate, and be role models for our children, but if WE don't, then who?

About nine years ago, on my 40th birthday, Montreal was struck with an ice storm that had us turning to candles and flashlights and fireplaces to keep warm during that winter while the electricity was fixed. We were in the dark for five days but let me tell you those five days must have been the best 'family' time we've ever experienced.

We played games, cards, charades, told spooky camp stories all by candlelight. Amazing that we needed to have something like this to happen to realize we CAN have fun as a family. Not that we didn't, don't misunderstand, but we were doing these things everyday for five days.

I guess it must have been at that point, the kids also realized the computers, the T.V. and the cells really didn't play as much as a factor in 'fun time' as they once believed. Yes, we do depend on these technologies but I believe we depend on them way too much at times.

Think back as children, what games did we have? Wooden horses, puzzles, lots of outdoor activities. What do the children nowadays look forward to? Gaming systems, new computer games, new TV programs, text messages...

I'm not putting these things down by a long shot because I am aware we need to grow with the times but what I do know is that many parents rely on these things to occupy their children because they don't have the time to adequately spend quality time with their kids. And that's a shame.

I'm involved with several writing commitments but I prioritize my time for my family. There's nothing on this earth that can give me more pleasure when I see my little one cheering when she's beaten me yet in another boardgame. Or when my oldest kids say, "Mom, you have a minute. I need to talk to you about something." and I say, "Sure, what's up?" These little things mean more to them than you can imagine.

I know I've strayed a bit from Teen Reading but it's still in the topic of Teens and how to make a lasting relationship with your children.

Spend some time with them. They're kids only once as my dad used to say.

Lea Schizas

Introducing Perilous Pauline

2007-02-23T08:39:00.000-08:00

Hello. :-) I'm late in introducing myself, because I've been out of town, celebrating my dad's 80th in snowy Wyoming. If you'd like to read about my adventures in Wyoming, check out my personal blog. As an added perk, you get to see me as a Shirley Temple "didn't want to be, but didn't have a choice."

In addition to NOT being Shirley Temple, I AM the author of seven published novels, with number eight scheduled to release later this year. I write a mix of mystery, suspense, humor, adventure and romance. It makes it challenging to market my books, but since I love what I do, I just keep doing it.

My latest novel, Out of Time, is set during WWII and is my first (and possibly my last) venture into writing about the past. It was a kick to write and left me with a deep appreciation for the Greatest Generation, which includes my dad. It also got me an EPPIE nomination, which was a thrill.

Number eight is set in space, which could technically qualify as sci-fi, only it is sadly lacking in "sci." Not good at "sci." But I love doing exactly what I want and how I want, so I'm having a great time with this book. It's called The Key and you can read a blurb and excerpt on my website.

Other than killing people fictionally, I'm not that interesting, but that doesn't stop me from having opinions on anything and everything, even things I know nothing about. So I'll be kicking in my two cents worth from time to time. And it will probably be worth about that much. :-)

Here's hoping that your days include great books and good friends.
Perilously yours,
Pauline

Reading for Your Teen's Lifetime

2007-02-22T03:24:00.000-08:00

I'm going to get a jump on the March topic of how to interest teens in reading. My daughters are now in their early twenties, but getting them to read was never a problem. We started when they were very young reading picture books and chapter books to them. We had so much fun sitting on the sofa and reading classics such as Frankenstein, A Little Princess, The Secret Garden and The Diary of Anne Frank, as well as just plain fun books such as the Three Investigators Mysteries. We all cried together when we read Where the Red Fern Grows and laughed over Judy Blume's books about Fudge. Even now the girls will call up memories the books we read together and talk about how much they enjoyed those times.

When they became teenagers they continued reading. I finally stopped their nightly readings in junior high school-- The last few years we read together I sent it "on vacation" over the summer, and one year it just never came back. However, we continued to read together- just not aloud. When they read a book they really liked they would offer it to me to read and I would do the same for them. Jaala started working her way through my Agatha Christie collection and then got turned onto Elizabeth Peters' Amelia Peabody books while Frith got into Marion Zimmer Bradely's Darkover books. They both were very heavily into Star Wars books and Jaala and I enjoyed reading Star Trek Books, particularly Peter David's New Frontier Series.

Then one Christmas I bought my husband the Harry Potter books- just before the fourth book came out- and inadvertently set off a major family battle as to who would be the first to read the next Harry Potter book when it was released. Those original three books are now extremely dilapidated, having been read several times by every one of us. Jaala routinely borrows them, and we have to go and search her apartment to get them back. For books Five and Six, I actually bought one copy for each one of us the day they were released so we could all read them without having to worry about anybody else waiting in line. We do have a major conflict this summer because Book Seven is being released on July 21, which is also the day Fritha has planned for her wedding. We tried to get her to change it, but her fiance wasn't too happy about that for some reason. So we've finally decided that they can go ahead and get married, as long as they don't mind if the rest of us sit there and read Harry Potter during the ceremony. As the mother of the bride I don't actually have to do anything. Jaala is Maid of Honor but she figures she can carry the book instead of a bouquet of flowers. So we've got that all worked out!

Now how did we manage to keep our girls interested in reading into their teenage years and beyond? For one thing, TV was never very big in our house-- and still isn't. We had an informal rule that the TV was only to be turned on specifically when we were watching something. We never turned it on for background noise or because there was nothing else to do or just to see what was on. We also didn't have cable, so there wasn't as much temptation to watch things.

We also continued to read as a family even if we weren't actually reading out loud anymore. We sat down and had dinner together several evenings a week and often talked about what we were reading. We shared books with each other-- and borrowed books from each other. The girls saw my husband and me reading frequently-- in the evenings we often would all just sit in the living room together, each reading our own books, instead of watching TV.

We also made reading relevant to them. For Christmas and birthdays we found books in their areas of interest-- Frith is interested in history and in women's issues so books about women in history are always popular. Jaala is into natural history so she gets lots of books about dinosaurs and wolves. We nearly always include gift cards to Amazon.com or Barnes & Noble or Half Price Books, and going to the bookstore to pick out books is still a real treat for all of us.

To us, turning our girls into readers was a natural process. My husband and I are both readers, but we've never read in a vacuum. The girls grew up hearing us talk about books, watching us passing books back and forth, and living in a household with one room devoted entirely to books. I will confess that the girls also saw that sometimes I was so into a book that the house didn't get cleaned or supper didn't get cooked! I enjoyed reading the RL Stine books as much as they did, as well as Beverly Cleary and Judy Blume- as well as other such fun books as How to Sink a Sub, Sideways Stories from WestSide School, and There's a Boy in the Girls Restroom. Fritha's fiance is not a reader-- or at least he's never been one before, but he has actually started reading some books so he can take part in our conversations without feeling left out. I felt as though we had really made progress when he asked me if I had a copy of Children of Men by PD James after seeing the movie-- guess what he's getting for his birthday!

The best way to help your kids enjoy reading is to let them see you enjoy it. Turn off the TV and pick up a book. Don't confine yourself to books for grown-ups-- there's a lot of good children's literature out there. Find some books that are appropriate for your child's age and interest, and read them yourself. Do they have a TV show they enjoy watching? If so, then find a way to tie into that show. If they enjoy watching LOST, they might enjoy reading Lord of the Flies. If they enjoyed the movie Cheaper by the Dozen, they might enjoy the book on which the movie was based. If they enjoyed Lord of the Rings, but find the books a little tough to get through, they might enjoy the Prydain Chronicles by Lloyd Alexander.

We all agree that having children read is a good thing. So if you want your teens to read, let them see you reading. Make it fun, make it relevant, and make it part of your daily routine.

Introducing myself...Barbara M. Hodges

2007-02-21T07:25:00.000-08:00

I’m happy to be taking part in The Branches of Life Blogzine. I’m new to blogging, so this is a learning experience for me.

I write mostly fantasy fiction, although I have been known to venture into Science Fiction, paranormal and even main stream fiction.

I have five published novels out right now, three in my fantasy Daradawn series, The Blue Flame, The Emerald Dagger and The Silver Angel, and two that I have co-written with other authors…Stargazer’s Children and Shadow Worlds.

I also have a story in Aleatory Junction, an anthology.

Next month, knock on wood, Stones Enchanted will be released. It is the first book in a new young adult fantasy series I co-wrote with JR Musick.

In July, Shadow Worlds, which is available as an ebook now, will be out in print.

My husband Jeff and I live in Nipomo, CA. It’s a small town on the central coast. We share our lives with two basset hounds, Ophelia and Hamlet, and a sassy ginger-striped cat, Wallace.

Jeff and I both love NASCAR and RVing. We like to tie them both together and go to nearby races. Of course we take the hounds with us.

When I’m not writing and being a wife, I like to decorative paint.

We’ve been married for 35 years. No children, but I’m a great aunt. Jeff and I are baby boomers. I have seen a lot of history in my fifty-five years. In December Jeff’s mom passed away. She was a wonderful lady and had a full life. Jeff’s dad is 89 years old. He’s having a hard time without his wife of over 60 years. He is in Oregon and we are working on getting him moved closer to us.
It’s hard to see your parents grow older.

Hello

2007-02-20T11:14:00.000-08:00

Hello! I'm Dindy Robinson and I am thrilled to be part of this group. I am the publisher of Swimming Kangaroo Books; I also write science fiction under the name of Mari Atherton. I have loved to read since I could hold a book and wanted to write since I could hold a pen in my hands.
My favorite things to read are mysteries and science fiction. I like to blog about just about anything because I definitely think the world would be much better off if it would just listen to me! (smile)

I've been a teacher and a social worker and a government bureaucrat so I have spent a lifetime learning and still have a lifetime left in which to learn more.

I look forward to being part of this community.
Dindy
Dive into a good book at www.swimmingkangaroo.com

Christina Barber's Intro

2007-02-20T09:16:00.000-08:00

Hello one and all! I'm very excited to be part of this new blog.

I have several published works - fiction, non-fiction - short stories and novels. I've been actively writing - writing for publication - for three years.

I am a full time writer and full time mom. (Yes, I know. I hold two full time jobs!). Believe me, my husband and daughter keep me busy enough, but I've learned to juggle household chores and still complete novels. It is a learned art - well, okay an art and use of headphones.

I enjoy research and have a passion for mythology. I also enjoy researching the paranormal (aka ghosts). I guess you could consider me a researcher, author and adventurer. I write and read fantasy, sci-fi, and horror or blends there of. All of my works focus on the darker angle within the above mentioned different genres.

I look forward to contributing with this great group of diverse people!
Thanks for reading me.

Drop a line and tell us about you!

Christina

Intro: Karina Fabian

2007-02-20T09:03:00.000-08:00

I'm Karina Fabian, one of the bloggers for Branches of Life. Lately, I find myself increasingly "styled" as a writer of religious genre fiction, but that's not all I write or do.

Branches of Life is an appropriate blog for me, since I seem to branch out into a great many things: science fiction, religion, humor, homeschooling, pregnancy and parenting, health, simplifying your life... (Go ahead, laugh at that one. I do.) I'm like the bushes in our front yard: no sooner do I trim them back than they're already overgrowing the sidewalk again. (I get the feeling Lea is the same way.)

Last year, I did a major pruning of my writing, cutting out most of my non-fiction work in order to concentrate on my fiction. Ironically, that did nothing to trim my workload. Instead, I've merely branched out into book marketing and promoting, faith in fiction, critiquing, virtual book touring, ancient legends and modern investigative procedures, airship construction, the art of mummifying chickens... I'm busy promoting Infinite Space, Infinite God, an anthology of Catholic science fiction; publishing Faith-Filled Fiction, a newsletter about writing religious fiction; hosting a Thursday night author chat (FabChat) and writing five--now six--blogs. I own three websites, am President of the Catholic Writers' Guild and moderator of Catholic Writers Online, am active in two blog rolls, plus I have regular writing "gigs" with Montana Catholic and Hereditas Magazine. In addition, I write cross genre fiction, humor, slice-of-life, and still a little nonfiction/how-to. Oh, and I'm working on a game for the Little Flowers Girls' Club. (On the non-writing side, I'm a military wife and homeschooling mother of four.)

Writing it out this way probably makes me look like a good candidate for Ritalin, but I don't think I'm so unusual. I'm a writer, and writers live to learn about our world, dream about the possibilities, then synthesize that information and dreams into something new and hopefully entertaining. It also means--despite the stereotypes--that we're busy, involved people, especially thanks to the Internet.

I know we're going to have fun with Branches of Life. Come join us as we climb a tree, go out on a limb, maybe even get nutty.

(Did I mention I like puns? Now there's a story... Later. Maybe even here, on Branches of Life.)

Blessings!

Karina

More about Karina? Check out:
www.fabianspace.com: Karina's author page with her blog, bio, writings and more.
http://isigsf.tripod.com: The official website of Infinite Space, Infinite God with stories, author bios, interviews and media information.
www.freewebs.com/dragoneyepi: The website of Karina's character, Vern a dragon detective. When magic and technology unite to cause trouble, it's time to hire the services of Dragon Eye, PI. Wisdom of the ages, knowledge of eternity. Virginity verified. Flights, extra.
www.myspace.com/karinafabian: 'Cause ya gotta be on MySpace.
www.shoutlife.com/karinafabian: MySpace for Christians. I blog religion in fiction there/
FabChat: A moderated live chat with authors. Every Thursday night at 8 PM Eastern Time (US). Go to www.fabianspace.com and click on FabChat for a list of guests.
Faith-filled Fiction: A writing tool for those who write religious fiction or want to add religion (real or imaginary) in their stories. writing tips, markets, educational articles. Contact Karina at karina(at)fabianspace(dot) com

2007-02-19T18:30:00.000-08:00

As a contributor, I hope to give my ideas and opinions on our various topics about life stages and situations. Writers use them all the time. Lord, I'm feeling lucky. I seldom get asked my opinion, but I sure have a lot of them. Here, I can just give them!

I've been an art teacher, a black and white artist, a graphic artist and muralist. Now I work making catalogs and as a writer of fantasy and science fiction.

What Rob is talking about below is aliteration. People who know how to read but just don't for one reason or another. Many people worry about teens who don't read. And since Rob has already posted, I'll add my two-bits.

Did you know that no one carried a book into 6 out of every 10 houses in the U.S. last year? Did you know that half of U.S. citizens are illiterate or aliterate? Are you aware we are raising a generation of aliterate children?

Aliterate? The whole concept is mind-bending to me. Someone who can read but doesn't read for the sheer pleasure of immersing themselves in a story? I've learned you can read to you children from the get-go, but by the time they are teens, they might be aliterate. There are many reasons. If you remember, there is a lot of (excuse me) BORING reading required in school rooms. Teens are drawn by other media like electronic games, cell phones, texting, My Space and television with their quick pleasure pay-offs. Sometimes just finding time to rest can be a major teen problem.

~Kylene Beers, a professor of reading at the University of Houston, is one of the few academics that have written about the phenomenon. According to her, there are two types of reading. Efferent reading is purposeful reading, the kind students labor to do in schools. Efferent readers take something useful from the material such as answers for a test. Aesthetic reading is reading for the sheer bliss of it. ~

Love that label. Aesthetic Reading. So how do we create Aesthetic Readers?

Check out this article Getting teens to read by Gwynne Spencer. Her are a few of her comments and suggestions.

~Read aloud to them when you’re a co-passenger in the car or plane.~

~Tell them they’re "not old enough to read it" and you can bet your booties they’ll beg, borrow or steal a copy.~

~Add an allowance bonus of $1 for every half hour they spend in front of the TV with the one-eyed monster turned off, while they read.~

~Take them to the bookstore, the library and the school bookfair and buy them books. If we’re going to win the war on illiteracy or aliteracy, we have to begin with a massive assault on lack of appropriate reading matter. In our world, if we value it, we BUY it.~

As parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, mentors, let's all make sure our children are Aesthetic Readers. We can give them no greater life-time gift.

Reading and teens

2007-02-19T18:23:00.000-08:00

Hi and welcome to the Branches of Life BlogZine. I'm honored to be invited to join this group of talented writers.

I know I'm getting a jump on March's topic, but I thought I'd share my own experience with a teen son--and reading. As a child, Nick was a voracious reader. He loved mythology, especially (this is common with boys--I certainly did), but read all sorts of stories. His interests outside of reading were games (he liked Magic, WarHammer, etc.) and hanging with friends. Sometime in his mid-teen years, though, he stopped reading. It wasn't sudden and it wasn't as if he didn't like to read, it was more that he only had so much time and reading just didn't make the list--always tomorrow. Unfortunately, I don't think Nick is alone. I think we're raising a generation of teens who think of reading as something that the older, slower generation did.

Part of the 'problem' is probably multitasking. A key element in reading is the way a story engrosses, captivates, captures, and immerses the reader. If you're reading a good book, you can't be watching TV, text-messaging with your friends, or talking on the phone.

Because I'm a writer, I worry about this. Because much of my writing deals with the future, I have to consider what it means to live in a world where reading is like Bridge or shuffleboard--something reserved for the old and gradually dying off.

I'd love to hear your opinions. Is reading an elitist activity that society is wise to put behind it?

Rob Preece
Author and Publisher,
www.BooksForABuck.com

Meet Lea Schizas

2007-02-19T18:02:00.000-08:00

I can't tell you how excited I am for Branches of Life BlogZine to begin, knowing the articulate writers who have joined to offer you each month articles of interest.

Well, it's time to begin introducing ourselves:

My name is Lea Schizas, an award-winning author/editor, and founder of quite a few sites. I won't offer all the links here but do invite you to check out my personal website at:
http://leaschizaseditor.tripod.com/

I am a mother of five, used to own a salon business for the longest time before I gave it up to pursue my passion, writing. I describe my career as finally woken up after a 23-year self-induced coma of taking care of the family.

I guess you can say I am sort of a butterfly: first a caterpillar (worked seven years as a head teller), then cocooned for another decade or so as a stylist until I finally spread my wings and became a writer.

In the coming months, each of the Branches of Life writers will offer you their own experiences in the themes to come. And our first will be all about TEENS, and boy, do I have tales to tell.

Lea Schizas

Checking In

2007-02-19T17:39:00.000-08:00

I made it here and now have a blog.

Grand Opening of Branches of Life BlogZine Coming Soon!

2007-02-19T16:03:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone and welcome to Branches of Life BlogZine.

Now what on earth is Branches of Life BlogZine?

You name it, we're going to have it. We are several writers from The Muse Promotions website, http://musepromotions.tripod.com/ who have banned together to offer you various interesting articles on different snippets of life; anywhere from taking care of our parents to dating.

Our first topic in March will be TEENS, covering a wide area in this subject. Several of us will offer you articles each month on our chosen theme and invite you to leave us your comments with your own life experiences.

Over the coming days, many of us will be introducing ourselves so you can get to know us. So make sure to bookmark us and come back often to find out what other 'branch of life' we have to offer you.

Lea Schizas