I'm not sure I really recognize the descriptions of girl teens I see. My only child is a boy (man). We had tough times through his teen years--his mon and I divorced when he was young and he lived with his mom but spent alternate weekends with me. So, I never had conflicts over the phone (getting him to talk), and the problem wasn't getting him out of the bathroom but making sure he took regular showers.
I think all teens have the shame thing down--the things I really could have helped my son with (girls, school, being cool) he wasn't willing to talk to me about. So, we talked about the video games he was playing and whether the Republicans really were going to win another election (in Texas this is a pretty sure bet).
Oddly, I've never written a story with a boy teen as a major character--maybe it was too close to home. I did write one romance novel where the hero had a teenage daughter and the heroine had a teenage son (THE BRIDE'S FATHER by me writing as Amy Eastlake at www.booksforabuck.com/rompages/bride_father.html) where I think I worked out some of my concerns and fears. One nice thing about being an author is that you get to vent and explore different possibilities through writing. Or maybe that's one of the terrible things about being an author--not only do you get to make all of your own mistake, you get to do-over, allowing you to make more mistakes than any one person could possibly accomplish.
I don't have any answers to the teen thing. I can't even say they outgrow it. My son is now 22, but he's still struggling at the border between youth and adulthood.
When I think of those eighteen year-old boys and girls we're sending off to Iraq and Afghanistan, it really makes me feel old.
Slightly off-track, did you know that Read an eBook Week starts tomorrow, March 4th. If you've never read an eBook, why not give it a try. If you don't want to actually buy one, you can download a bunch of older titles for free at www.manybooks.net. Here's my prediction, both for teens and for older adults--it'll take a couple of hours to get used to it, but give it a try. By the time you finish reading your eBook, you won't want to go back. You can read on your computer, your PDA, your phone (if you've got a smart phone) or on a dedicated reader (but don't buy the reader until you're hooked on eBooks).